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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At the present time, the papulation of some countries includes a relatively large number of people adults, compared with the number of older people. DO the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages

In today’s modern world, the ratio of youngsters increased in various countries compared to older
people
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 has become a subject of considerable debate.
While
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 some
people
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 think that it brings more benefits, others argue
that
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is
Use the right word
it
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 causes certain drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of a larger range of young
people
Use synonyms
 and
less
Correct word choice
a smaller
show examples
number
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 of older ones, before reaching a logical conclusion. I will start by looking at the advantages. One of the major advantages is that if a nation has
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
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number
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 of young
people
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,
then
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 they can achieve anything in the world with full dedication.
This
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 means that
,
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apply
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 young
people
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 have more spirit and dedication in their veins.
One
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Once
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 they decide to do something
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then
Punctuation problem
, then
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,
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apply
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 they can do anything.
For instance
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, if administrations give any opportunity to young
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people
Punctuation problem
people,
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then
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,
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apply
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 they have the ability to do
given
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the given
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 task because Pakistan has a large
number
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 of youth, and if a country has
more
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a higher
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 ratio of
youngsters
Punctuation problem
youngsters,
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then
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 the country
get
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gets
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 success at a higher rate.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks of
large
Correct article usage
a large
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number
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 of adults as compared to older
.
Check wording
adults.
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Firstly
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, young
people
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 are very emotional and aggressive. They get
angery
Correct your spelling
angry
 very easily, but older
people
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 are wise and they do their work very carefully.
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Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 young individuals do not have
any
Correct determiner usage
the
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 sense to do any task perfectly with the advice of
older
Correct article usage
the older
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. In conclusion,
although
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 the
papulation
Use the right word
population
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 of many countries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a wider range of youngsters
instead
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 of older ones has certain drawbacks, the benefits it offers cannot be overlooked. Personally, I believe that the positives outweigh the negatives, because young
people
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 always play
important
Correct article usage
an important
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 role in the economy of many countries.

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coherence
Plan your essay with a simple order: intro, pro paragraph, con paragraph, and conclusion. Use small linking words like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'however' to guide the reader.
coherence
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and add a short example to show it.
task
Make sure you fully answer the task by stating your view and by giving both sides before your own choice.
task
Explain each point in your own simple words and use one clear example.
language
Check quick grammar and spelling so sentences are clear.
structure
The essay shows a plan with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
content
It talks about both sides of the topic.
clarity
The ideas are easy to read and the meaning is clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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