IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries,fast food restaurant and supermarkets give money to schools to promote their products.Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In numerous nations, local fast food restaurants or superstores donate money for the sake of promotion.
While
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 other finds
this
Linking Words
 act ridiculous.
However
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, I believe that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 surpass its setbacks , which will be discussed in the following paragraph.
To begin
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 with, financial aid provided by
this
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 junk Food industry will be used for academic purposes for the children. Undoubtedly, I will be used for various segments which include Infrastructure, Tech classes, Academics and many more.
For example
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, Reliance Industries adopted
a
Correct article usage
An
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 institution in Jamnagar
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 was in Bad condition to study in,
They
Fix capitalization
they
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 took over
this
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 school and improved the building, upgraded the class into a smart class.
Whereas
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, they promote their products in institute events and run
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ad campaigns.
In addition
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 to
this
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 , more and more parents are getting aware of their healthiest and safest product. These companies run seminars for kids and their guardians to make them understand their new products.
For Instance
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, Reliance run advertisement campaigns, seminars in
academy
Replace the word
academic
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 gatherings,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 provide scholarships and Gift hampers to the winners of their school. Despite being outrageous benefits, there are disadvantages
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 Undoubtedly, children are going to be addicted to unhealthy foods , which will affect them physically and mentally. Without a doubt, youngsters will be bound with obesity and unwanted physical problems. In conclusion, providing financial support by
this
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 industry should be
continuous
Correct article usage
a continuous
show examples
 process as it is helpful for both learners and the school for their
overall
Linking Words
 development. Even so few bad sides will not affect education.

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task response
State your view clearly in the intro and stay with it through the essay. Right now you mix ideas, which can confuse the reader.
organization
Make 3 clear body parts. Each one should have one main idea and a small detail or example to back it up.
coherence
Use a few linking words to connect ideas, such as first, also, but, and finally. This helps the flow of your essay.
language use
Fix big grammar mistakes and spell words correctly. For example 'junk Food' should be 'junk food', 'a institution' should be 'an institution'.
evidence
Use only simple facts or ideas. Make sure examples fit the point you are making and avoid extra or unclear details.
conclusion
End with a clear conclusion that restates your view and sums up the main point.
idea
You give your view on the topic.
evidence
You use an example to support a point.
cohesion
You try to link ideas with some linking words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • money
  • school
  • ads
  • ad
  • health
  • food
  • eat
  • kids
  • children
  • teacher
  • parent
  • rule
  • limit
  • control
  • policy
  • fund
  • funding
  • project
  • activity
  • classroom
  • fair
  • trust
  • harm
  • help
  • benefit
  • problem
  • solution
  • sign
  • poster
  • label
  • option
  • choice
  • effect
  • impact
  • long term
  • short term
  • bias
  • ethics
  • protect
  • healthier
  • advertising
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