Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

Technological devices have advanced. At the beginning, the number of them was
only limited
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limited only
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to poor TV cables and maybe a computer if the person was lucky, but now, laptops, large screen
television
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televisions
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, and
smartphones
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are widely distributed and used across the globe.
This
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has led to
children
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having an addiction to spending long hours
everyday
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every day
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on their mobile
phones
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. Has anyone thought of why
this
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has occurred and is still increasing? Is
this
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beneficial? Or gives
children
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numerous disadvantages?
This
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essay will outline the effects, their potential causes, and even how parents can reduce them. The unhealthy obsessions with
smartphones
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has
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have
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led to several risks and consequences on
children
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’s neurological development,
as well as
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their
behavior
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behaviour
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overall
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. One of the serious concerns in
children
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and most young adults is reduced focus in everyday activities.
This
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is because lots of people spend their time scrolling through apps and watching short videos on their
phones
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,
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. This
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this
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has led to a reduction in their attention span, and in extreme cases can often make an adolescent impatient in their everyday activities.
For example
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, a hugely popular app,
TikTok
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TikTok,
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is an American app where creators and influencers can make videos around 15 to 60 seconds long to entertain viewers across endless topics. The constant scrolling on these videos
have
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has
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rewired brains to constantly expect something interesting to happen
,
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;
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if not, the user will most likely scroll onto the next video. Studies show that
this
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has led to shorter attention spans and reduced focus, and even made many people stop enjoying reading traditional books and
even
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apply
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focusing on schoolwork
as
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, as
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the device is a constant
urge
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source
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of distraction. Mobile
phones
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were originally designed to communicate with others easily. Especially since it is a dangerous world out there
and
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, and
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parents always need to ensure that their
children
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are safe, which is why they thought giving them
smartphones
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was the best option. Another reason
to
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for
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this
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spread in
smartphones
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is ongoing trends. Decades ago, it was abnormal for someone to have highly skilled technology, but now, it is uncommon not to have at least one smartphone.
This
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has led to us humans experimenting with new and innovative ways to entertain ourselves, which
as
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has
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led to these possibly disastrous consequences.
To conclude
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, I firmly believe that the fact that many are spending hours
everyday
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every day
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on their
smartphones
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is a
from
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form
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of negative development as many people entirely rely on their
phones
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in everyday, even simple tasks. In the unlikely event of avoiding
this
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in future generations, parents should implement screentime limits and control of what their kids watch and do on their devices, in order to reduce the chance of addiction and my previously stated consequential liabilities.

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grammar
Fix grammar mistakes like 'has led' and 'as led'; use 'have led' and 'which has led'.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea with a clear link to the next part; use simple linking words.
content
Add more real reasons and more details on why phones cause harm, and more on how to fix.
vocabulary
Use short, simple sentences to keep ideas clear; avoid long runs-on.
structure
End with a short restate of your view and a quick sum of main points.
content
The writer shows a clear view that heavy phone use is not good.
examples
Uses example (TikTok) to back ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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