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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Work today is very different from the past. Many people work from home because of technology. Some people say that this is a positive development. Others say that it is negative. Discuss how this has changed the way we work and are there too many disadvantages in relying on technology.

In today's contemporary world, technology has become an integral part of our lives and continues to expand rapidly. Many
people
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 argue that working from
home
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, made possible by technological advancements, makes life easier and more convenient,
while
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 others claim that it brings several drawbacks. From my point of view,
although
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 remote
work
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 has undeniable advantages, it
also
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 creates serious challenges that should not be ignored. On the
one
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hand
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, in metropolitan cities
such
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 as Istanbul, traffic jams are
one
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 of the major problems for both employers and employees.
People
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 spend a significant amount of their
time
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 commuting, and
as a result
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, they often feel exhausted.
This
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 problem not only affects their personal well-being but
also
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 reduces their productivity and motivation at
work
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.
Furthermore
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, online working allows individuals to spend more quality
time
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 with their families, which helps them feel mentally healthier.
For example
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, parents can give their children more attention, and
this
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 leads to stronger relationships between parents and children.
Therefore
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, remote working can be seen as a practical solution for individuals living in crowded cities, as it both saves
time
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 and improves family relationships.
On the other
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hand
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, despite its advantages, working from
home
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 can
also
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 create several drawbacks, especially in terms of social life and
work
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 discipline. Some
people
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 feel more concentrated in offices, because a professional
work
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 environment helps them stay focused and productive. At
home
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,
however
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, they may be easily distracted by household responsibilities, which makes it harder to maintain discipline and efficiency.
In addition
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, colleagues in a shared office environment often help and support
one
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 another, which contributes to stronger collaboration and higher productivity.
For example
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, during break times, they can
socialize
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socialise
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 and discuss
work
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-related issues, which strengthens their professional relationships and creates a more supportive atmosphere. In conclusion, working from
home
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 has both advantages and disadvantages. On the
one
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hand
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, it helps
people
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 in crowded cities save
time
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, reduce stress, and spend more quality moments with their families.
On the other
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hand
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, it may cause difficulties
such
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 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of discipline, isolation, and fewer opportunities for collaboration.
Therefore
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, I believe that
while
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 online working is a useful option, it should be balanced with office
work
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 to achieve the best results

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coherence
Use short and clear links to move ideas from one part to the next.
task
Give more real life examples and explain how tech changes work life.
structure
Break long sentences into shorter ones for easy read.
grammar
Check small grammar and punctuation mistakes.
structure
Put the main idea at the start of each paragraph.
content
Shows both sides and a clear view.
example
Uses a real city example.
structure
Conclusion sums up the view well.
tone
Intro states topic clearly.
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