IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In Some Countries, Celebrities Complain About how The Media Publicize Their Private Lives. Some People Say that They Should Accept It as Part of Their Fame.* Do You Agree or Disagree?

In certain countries, famous
people
Use synonyms
 argue that social
media
Use synonyms
 disturbs their private
lives
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 others say that being well-known means they should accept
this
Linking Words
 condition. From my point of view, I strongly agree that
celebrities
Use synonyms
 deserve the right to
privacy
Use synonyms
 just like
people
Use synonyms
 in other career fields. Fame does not mean losing
privacy
Use synonyms
, and constant intrusion into their personal
lives
Use synonyms
 can lead to serious mental health problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
celebrities
Use synonyms
 should enjoy the same human rights to
privacy
Use synonyms
 as ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 in different professions. Sharing every moment of their daily
lives
Use synonyms
 on social
media
Use synonyms
 can destroy their security and personal boundaries. They should
also
Linking Words
 have the right to set limits and balance their work with their private
lives
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many well-known
people
Use synonyms
 in Thailand often have two social
media
Use synonyms
 accounts—one for professional purposes and another for personal matters
such
Linking Words
 as family or close relationships.
This
Linking Words
 shows clearly that even
celebrities
Use synonyms
 need private spaces.
Secondly
Linking Words
, too much access to their private
lives
Use synonyms
 may increase psychological problems.
Celebrities
Use synonyms
 are normal human beings, and hate speech or negative comments can strongly affect their emotions. Nowadays, the number of suicide attempts among famous
people
Use synonyms
 has risen, and harmful online comments are a major cause of their depression and anxiety.
This
Linking Words
 highlights the danger of invading their
privacy
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
celebrities
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be mindful of their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 on social
media
Use synonyms
, as they attract attention from
people
Use synonyms
 everywhere. They cannot ignore their influence, especially on their fans.
Therefore
Linking Words
, acting as a positive role model is an important responsibility for them. In conclusion,
celebrities
Use synonyms
 should not have their
privacy
Use synonyms
 constantly disturbed, and they definitely deserve the same rights as others. I suggest that famous
people
Use synonyms
 set boundaries on social
media
Use synonyms
 and avoid sharing their entire
lives
Use synonyms
 online.
This
Linking Words
 is an appropriate way to protect their
privacy
Use synonyms
 and mental well-being.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The writer has a clear view, but add more detail on why privacy matters and how it helps people in daily life.
Coherence and Cohesion
Link ideas with smooth words and show clear steps: idea, example, result. Use linking words.
Strength
Clear opinion is stated in the opening.
Strength
Good structure with clear order and linking phrases.
Strength
Personal example shows point well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: