IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the differences in the consumption of three fast food among Australian teenager. Write a report describing the information shown below.

The graph below shows the differences in the consumption of three fast food among Australian teenager. Write a report describing the information shown below.
The line chart illustrates the differences in the usage of three types of fast food
Use synonyms
Pizza
Punctuation problem
: Pizza
show examples
, Fish and Chips, and Hamburgers
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 Australian young people from 1975-2000
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the
number
Check wording
apply
show examples
of consumption
Correct word order
consumption of
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Fish and Chips declined in the
last
Linking Words
of
Check wording
part of
show examples
 the
period
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the total intake
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Pizza
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and Hamburgers rose significantly over time.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the consumption of Fish and Chips started with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
livel
Correct your spelling
level
 of usage among teenagers, in 1975
was
Correct pronoun usage
it was
show examples
 at 100, but in 1980
fall
Replace the word
fell
show examples
 to 85, from 1985 the number of
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 eaten per year by youths
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 dropped sharply,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
 it
stoped
Use the right word
stopped
show examples
 just under 40 in 2000. In terms of the usage of
Pizza
Use synonyms
, in 1975,
started
Correct pronoun usage
it started
show examples
 at a low level just above 0
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 after
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 it
incresed dramaticlly
Correct your spelling
increased dramatically
 for 20 years
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 1995, the intake of
pizza
Use synonyms
remenid
Correct your spelling
remained
 steady until the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the total of consumption in Hamburgers
begun
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
 at 10, after that the number
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 rapidly, in just 10 years it reached 85,
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 1985 the total rose steadily
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 100 in 1995, until the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words pizza, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "differences" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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