IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In Some Countries, Celebrities Complain About how The Media Publicize Their Private Lives. Some People Say that They Should Accept It as Part of Their Fame.* Do You Agree or Disagree?

In some countries,
celebrities
Use synonyms
 claim that their privacy
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 invaded by the
media
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as paparazzi.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 regard it as a fame tax, others oppose
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 opinion. I partly agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their statement, since
celebrities
Use synonyms
 make their
owning
Use the right word
living
show examples
 by attracting
people
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, all
people
Use synonyms
 should have the right to live freely and unjudged by others. Even
Correct word choice
though Some
show examples
Some
Fix capitalization
some
show examples
 occupations
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as actors, singers and dancers,
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 massive earnings by entertaining
people
Use synonyms
 with their talents, they are not zoo animals or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
. They should have the human rights to be respected and not exposed during their
hollidays
Correct your spelling
holidays
.
However
Linking Words
, it is true that
Use synonyms
celebrities
Check wording
celebrities'
show examples
 profit
consists
Verb problem
comes
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 from support by their eager
fans
Use synonyms
.Some massive
fans
Use synonyms
 spend most of their money in order to follow their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
celebritie's
Check wording
celebrities'
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 tour to various countries, which
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to the large amount of
asset
Fix the agreement mistake
assets
show examples
celebrities
Use synonyms
 own. The amount of attraction they receive can stimulate
people
Use synonyms
's curiosity, and make them desire to know every single thing they did or
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchased
show examples
.
Media
Use synonyms
 always broadcast the
majoritie's
Correct your spelling
majority's
 interest,
hence
Linking Words
, unless it
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 their life dramatically,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 can't be helped to be followed by
papparatzis
Correct your spelling
paparazzi
some time
Use the right word
sometimes
show examples
 to make their
fans
Use synonyms
 satisfied when they
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
such
Linking Words
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
. In conclusion,
celebrities
Use synonyms
complaining
Verb problem
are complaining
show examples
 about their
media
Use synonyms
publicize of
Wrong verb form
publicising
show examples
 their private
living
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 they should be protected in the name of human rights, they owe their big
fans
Use synonyms
 for their financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
. I believe
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is undeniable that they should be protected at some point, but
otherwise
Linking Words
 they have to compromise for being
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
media
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent.

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task response
Task response: The essay partly answers the question. State a clear stance and back it with strong, relevant reasons and examples.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Use linking words to join ideas, keep sentences shorter, and check that each paragraph has one main idea.
content
The writer shows a clear view and tries to discuss both sides.
content
Some examples link ideas to the reader, like fans buying tours.
organization
There is a basic structure of intro, body and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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