It has been suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegatables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Learning to raise edible plants and
animals
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
proposed during elementary school
education
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. I believe that in
this
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proposal, advantages outweigh the disadvantages,
due to
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the significant lessons they learn about cherishing all kinds of lives and growing sympathy
to
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for
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others. On the one hand,
Since
Fix capitalization
since
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the
dramatical
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dramatic
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boost of
pet
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the pet
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industries
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industry
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, global awareness of
the
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apply
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animal welfare has been rising recently. All living things deserve the right to live freely without stress. It is
undenyable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
that at
first,
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when
animals
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are exposed to
children
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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who have poor knowledge and experience of taking care of them,
can
Correct pronoun usage
it can
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be stressful when compared to experienced adults.
However
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,
this
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issue can be prevented by teaching them how to treat the
animals
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beforehand, and by
also
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by teachers supervising
children
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while
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they are close to the
animals
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.
However
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, learning to handle
animals
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, especially small
animals
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such
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as
,
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apply
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rabbits, parrots, and
hamsters
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hamsters,
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can teach them how to gently deal with other
creachers
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creatures
.
Furthermore
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, taking care of
animals
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and plants can
also
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teach
children
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the responsibility needed to feed or water them, because
otherwise
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it may affect their health. Learning meaningful lessons through
hands on
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hands-on
show examples
experience in their youth,
children
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will grow
the
Correct article usage
a
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sense of sympathy and the attitude of understanding others who can't speak
which
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, which
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affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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their
latter
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later
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life in a positive way.
For instance
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, in one study, it is said that a kind of relaxing hormone
oxitosine
Correct your spelling
oxytocin is
secretes
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secreted
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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when
human
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humans
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pets
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pet
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fluffy
animals
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.
More over
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Moreover
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, many people grow plants as their hobby for leisure. Going through
education
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involved with
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involving
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greens and
animals
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,
children
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will learn to cope
their
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with their
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stress in the future, which
support
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supports
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their
well being
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well-being
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gravely
Rephrase
greatly
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.
To conclude
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, it is suggested that primary
education
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should include teaching lessons about raising
animals
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and vegetables. Considering the effects of
this
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education
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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lasts throughout
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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life, I firmly believe that the advantages
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
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the disadvantages.

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structure
Plan your essay. Give a clear intro, two body parts (one for good points, one for bad), and a short end.
structure
Use a clear topic sentence in each paragraph to show the main idea.
content
Try to show both sides and say why your view is right. A balanced view helps scores.
content
Add real or clear examples or facts to back your points. If you cannot, say a general idea and lead to it.
grammar
Check spell and word choice. Fix easy errors like vegetables, undeniable, creatures, oxytocin, etc.
coherence
Use linking words so ideas flow. Also, keep to simple words and short links when needed.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation. Use full stops. Watch capital letters and sentence length.
task response
The essay shows a clear view that advantages can be valued more.
content
There is an attempt to link care for life to a sense of empathy.
coherence
The writer tries to give reasons in support of the view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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