Some people argue that governments should have the right to monitor all online activities of citizens in the interest of national security. Others believe this is an unacceptable violation of individual freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Activity on the
Internet
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has become an integral part of modern life. Some
people
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believe that it must be controlled by the government to protect citizens from the invasion of other countries and
people
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who commit crimes using new technology.
However
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, others claim that it's an act of violation of human rights.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives, and I will express my personal viewpoint
at the end
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. On the one hand, every technology, including the
Internet
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, could be used for doing bad things. Bullying, blackmail, and hacking are things that happened here. It damages the lives of many
people
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and some companies. So, the police need to investigate
such
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a crime. By controlling the
Internet
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, it would be much easier and faster.
Moreover
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,
this
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technology could be used for spy activity
that is
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hard to
find
Verb problem
detect
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.
For example
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, enemies of the country may use the
world wide web
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World Wide Web
show examples
to spread certain ideas and destabilise the situation. By maintaining sovereignty over the
Internet
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, the government can reduce
this
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negative influence.
On the other hand
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, the world wide in most cases is completely safe and a place where
people
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can freely communicate with each other very cheaply without borders. Everyone could share ideas with a big community in an anonymous way.
Moreover
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, crime is something that would be in every community, including the
Internet
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. Many researchers conclude that the most effective approach to decreasing crime is to create conditions in which committing crimes is unprofitable. About the propaganda, the situation is the same. Every authority would prefer to say something about an enemy invasion to protect its power rather than to work on the interests of its citizens. It’s just the easiest way that doesn't allow other opinions to exist, even on the
Internet
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. So, controlling it by the government would destroy social discussion and help bad
people
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to protect their power.
Moreover
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, every invasion
in
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of
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online services would decrease the safety of personal information of users and force the leaking of the data.
To sum up
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, the government’s right to monitor the online activities of citizens may enhance public safety, but it
also
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increases the risk of abuse of power and potential data leaks. In my opinion, the
Internet
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should remain open to everyone, and authority intervention should be clear to society and allowed only to investigate criminal investigations.

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task response
Begin with a short view of both sides, then give your own clear view at the end.
coherence
Make each idea in a new paragraph with a topic sentence.
coherence
Use simple linking words like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example' to join your ideas.
examples
Explain each point with one clear example.
accuracy
Fix wrong word choices and small grammar errors; use 'the Internet' and 'world wide web' properly.
grammar
Keep sentences short; avoid long, hard phrases.
conclusion
Conclude with your view restated.
structure
Clear two sides and a final view.
content
Good attempt to use examples.
organization
Intro and conclusion are present.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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