IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less.

Sugar
Use synonyms
-based
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become more and more
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
 by
people
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
choose to
drink
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 kind of
drink
Use synonyms
 and the
sollution
Correct your spelling
solution
 to make them
drink
Use synonyms
 less. The reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 are choosing
sugar
Use synonyms
-based
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 because of the taste.
This
Linking Words
 type of
drink
Use synonyms
made
Verb problem
is made
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is stimulating
Wrong verb form
stimulates
show examples
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
 to feel happy and
satisfy
Correct subject-verb agreement
satisfies
show examples
 the body as it needs a lot of
sugar
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, an average adult
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 about 50 grams of
sugar
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 and drinking
this
Linking Words
 will instantly
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the needs. Another reason is addiction, as
being said
Verb problem
mentioned
show examples
 before,
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption can trigger
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
 to produce
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dopamin
Correct your spelling
dopamine
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 feel happy and constant consumption can
make
Verb problem
lead
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction to
Correct word order
to addiction
show examples
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 drinker.
This
Linking Words
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 the same as
ciggaretes
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
 and drugs
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 utilise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dopamin
Correct your spelling
dopamine
 to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
users keep using the products. The
sollutions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 that can be offered to the drinker
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 to control their daily consumption. Other than that, they have to warn about the danger if they
constantly
Verb problem
are constantly
show examples
 drinking those
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 can
also
Linking Words
 be involved as they have the power to limit the production and import of these
sugar
Use synonyms
-based
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 with high awareness about
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 life can encourage or make an alternative to
this
Linking Words
drink
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
sugar-based
Punctuation problem
sugar-based,
show examples
 they can make a juice or smoothies, these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
 are healthier than only
sugar
Use synonyms
frink
Correct your spelling
drinks
due to
Linking Words
 the natural and not
shynthetic
Correct your spelling
synthetic
Use synonyms
drink
Check wording
ingredients
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the drinker would switch to
Use synonyms
drink
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the healthier version.

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structure
Make a clear plan. Start with a short intro. Then two clear parts: reasons and ways to cut sugar. End with a short finish.
fact-check
If you give a fact, be sure it is true or easy to check. Use simple facts and avoid hard numbers.
grammar
Keep grammar simple. Use the same tense and short form. Try one idea per sentence.
content
Give more real steps people can take. Offer small tips they can use in daily life.
content
Good effort to talk about a real topic.
structure
Some links between idea and sentence are clear.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
What to do next:
Look at other essays: