IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less.

The new
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
drink
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 keep buying is
Use synonyms
sugar based
Use the right word
sugar-based
show examples
drinks
Use synonyms
. Whenever the situation is, a
drink
Use synonyms
 that tastes sweet is the
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
perfect option to buy, yet consuming too much
sugar
Use synonyms
 can cause serious health problems. Where the government must intervene in
this
Linking Words
 health concern. Nowadays
sugar
Use synonyms
based
Use the right word
sugar-based
show examples
drinks
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
have become
show examples
 popular among all
people
Use synonyms
, whether they are a kid or
maybe
Rephrase
apply
show examples
a
parent
Punctuation problem
parent,
show examples
until
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the most
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 age to buy
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 a teenager. So
what
Punctuation problem
, what
show examples
 is the reason for
this
Linking Words
 trend of sweet taste? There are many factors.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
visuals
Fix the agreement mistake
visual
show examples
 packaging, the vast majority of brands that sell sweet
drinks
Use synonyms
, apparently
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
eye -catching
Use the right word
eye-catching
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 visuals to make
people
Use synonyms
 see and buy their product.
Next,
Linking Words
many brands sell that
drinks
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a lower price,
for example
Linking Words
, soft
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
 cheap price
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 many good
flavor
Use the right word
flavours
show examples
 and
visuals
Check wording
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
colours
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colour
Punctuation problem
colour,
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 can really
easy to
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 be
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 option when
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 are thirsty and need a refreshing
.
Check wording
drink.
show examples
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 because the name is a sugary
drink
Use synonyms
, of
course
Punctuation problem
course,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 find it easy to like it
, sweet
Punctuation problem
. Sweet
show examples
 is the most flavour
that is
Linking Words
 easy to like for children to adults
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 sometimes they call it a delightful
drink
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
show examples
 and ingredients that are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
drinks
Use synonyms
 can trigger diabetes
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, these days
kids
Punctuation problem
, kids
show examples
 who are under 10 years old often consume sweet
drinks
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can lead to health concerns in the future.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 the government and society need to work together.
For example
Linking Words
, making a label with the
sugar
Use synonyms
 level for each
drink
Use synonyms
 to
activate
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 a concern about the high
sugar
Use synonyms
 in the
drinks
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Task response: Be clear. State your main idea at the start and add two or three strong reasons with simple facts. Give a clear plan or solution as well.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Use a clear path. Have a short intro, then reasons, then a ending. Use linking words like first, next, also, but. Make paragraphs and not too long sentences.
content
The essay keeps to the topic of sugar drinks and health.
solution
It gives a real idea for a solution, like a sugar label on drinks.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
What to do next:
Look at other essays: