The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The bar chart illustrates the different
proportion
Fix the agreement mistake
proportions
show examples
of gender in different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
of Australian did the physical activity during 2010. It's clearly
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
seen, the man almost conquered
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all
groups
Use synonyms
in different physical activities'
percentage
Use synonyms
, excluding the
age
Use synonyms
of 15 to 24.
Firstly
Linking Words
, only the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
of 15 to 24, women
over the
Verb problem
make up a higher
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
than
man
Check wording
men
show examples
, at 52.8 and 47.7
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
of 65 and over
, there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
similar
percentage
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the two
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
, women at 46.7 and men at 47.1 . Comparing with these two
groups
Use synonyms
above, there were significant
apperaces
Correct your spelling
appearances
of other
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
. The
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
of 36 to 44, which had the largest different proportion of all, reaching over 10% between these two
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
of 45 to 54
also
Linking Words
showed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
likely gap
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
10% between the men and women.
Overall
Linking Words
, the bar chart showed the
percentage
Use synonyms
of
Australian
Fix the agreement mistake
Australians
show examples
engaged
sport
Change preposition
in sports
show examples
activities, separating in different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
in 2010, obviously knew man had higher
percentage
Use synonyms
to join
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in almost all
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, percentage, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: