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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The bar chart compares the percentage of Australian men and women in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, females in the 45 to 54
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had the highest
percentages
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 and in the female
group
Use synonyms
 of 65 and over
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 had the least proportion.
In addition
Linking Words
, male has the highest
percentages
Use synonyms
 in the 15 to 24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
and the least proportion was in the 35 to 44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. It was
obviously
Replace the word
obvious
show examples
 that the female
group
Use synonyms
 kept an upward trend until
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the 45 to 54
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, increasing from 47.7
Use synonyms
percentages
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 to 53.3
Use synonyms
percentages
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
. In the female
group
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
 55 to 64 , it
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
roughly remained the
similar
Correct word choice
same
show examples
 proportion, but turning to the 65 and over
group
Use synonyms
, which declined significantly from 53
Use synonyms
percentages
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 to 47.1
Use synonyms
percentages
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
. Turning to the male
group
Use synonyms
, the 15 to 24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 reached the peak at the beginning, which was 52.8 and
then
Linking Words
 dramatically dropped to 39.5 in the 35 to 44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
was also
show examples
 at the bottom in all records. Surprisingly, the male
group
Use synonyms
subsequently
Linking Words
 kept an upward trend from 39.5
Use synonyms
percentages
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 to 46.7
pertcentages
Correct your spelling
per cent
 from the 35 to 44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 to the
group
Use synonyms
 of 65 and over.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, percentages with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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