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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 below shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Australian men and women in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of males
15
Change preposition
in the 15
show examples
 to 24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 was the
high
Replace the word
highest
 among the
Use synonyms
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it is the only
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in the
chart
Use synonyms
 male than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
Reversely
Use the right word
Conversely
show examples
, most of
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
 35 to 44, 45 to 54 and 55 to 64
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 was constituted by women during the given period. To probe more deeply, there was a significant difference in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
 to 44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. The female accounted for 52.5%, which were 13% more than the male.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the female 45 to 54
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 comprised 53.3%, which were 10.2% more than the male. At the other end of the spectrum, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
65
Correct article usage
the 65
show examples
 and over
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, statistics in the
chart
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very close,
that
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the female only barely 0.4% more than
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, percentage, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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