IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, it is easier for young people to have a credit card compared to the past. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

It has been pointed out that
compared
Punctuation problem
, compared
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 to the past, it is much easier for young individuals to apply for and obtain
credit
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cards
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 nowadays. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 alternation makes a huge contribution to the local economic development compared to a minor drawback in terms of health issues. Despite the downside below, it is easier for young people to have their own
credit
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cards
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 leads to economic prosperity. The reason is that when young individuals have their own
credit
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cards
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, they are more likely to be able to purchase their favourite goods in advance or achieve their travel plans, which benefits the development of the retail industry and tourism,
thus
Linking Words
 prompting economic growth.
For instance
Linking Words
, several local officers from the economic area state that since commercial banks reduced the requirements for young generations to apply for
credit
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cards
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, there is a soaring in the number of young
credit
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 cardholders. Almost every single young person would like to use up all their
credit
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 limit to purchase shoes or clothes or to travel around the world with their friends, which significantly stimulates the economic development. Admittedly, having a
credit
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 card results in mental and psychological issues for young cardholders.
This
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 is because a massive percentage of young individuals do not have a stable and secure job to earn enough money to repay their debt on time, which contributes to incredible financial pressure on them, impairing their psychological and mental well-being. As an illustration, a huge number of students who are studying in senior schools or universities mention that
although
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 having a
credit
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 card helps them to achieve their travel goals in advance, sometimes their spending is beyond their financial ability. When they are unable to repay their
credit
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 card debt before the deadline, they have to install their payments, leading them to feel stressed and anxious. In conclusion, people may vary in their opinion about whether the advantages of making it easier for young people to apply for
credit
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cards
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 exceed the negative impacts
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I am of the opinion that the trend brings tremendous economic benefits that outweigh the negative effects on mental health.

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organization
Make a clear plan before writing: start with your view in the intro, then 2 or 3 body parts, and finish with a short conclusion.
grammar
Use simple sentence forms and check grammar. Break long sentences into two.
coherence
Keep one idea in each paragraph and link ideas with clear signs like also, but, however.
examples
Give more exact examples or facts that back your idea.
lexical resource
Use easy words well. Check how you use name and noun in the same sentence.
structure
Your stance is clear in the intro and again at the end.
ideas
You give some good ideas on how cards can help the market.
task response
You show both sides, not just one side.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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