IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think governments should invest more in public services than in the arts. To what extent do you agree?

The issue of whether public funds should be directed towards the arts or public
services
Use synonyms
 has sparked considerable debate. From my perspective,
while
Linking Words
 cultural development is significant, investment in essential
services
Use synonyms
 is of paramount importance for societal well-being. A key factor is that public
services
Use synonyms
 directly impact citizens’ quality of life.
This
Linking Words
 stems from the fact that healthcare, education, and infrastructure provide immediate benefits to the community.
For instance
Linking Words
, improved hospitals and schools can substantially enhance both physical health and literacy levels.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 investment contributes to long-term economic growth and social stability.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some argue that the arts play a pivotal role in preserving cultural identity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, artistic activities can generate employment and tourism, which are beneficial to the economy.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, these advantages cannot be underestimated, but they are secondary compared to life-saving
services
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is evident that
while
Linking Words
 art has value, public
services
Use synonyms
 deserve greater priority. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both sectors are important, it seems reasonable to state that allocating the majority of funds to public
services
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should adopt a balanced yet pragmatic approach that ensures citizens’ essential needs are met before cultural pursuits are
prioritized
Change the spelling
prioritised
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view clearly in the intro and restate it at the end, and stay with the main idea.
coherence
Make the flow of ideas clear: use a simple order in the body with a sentence that starts each paragraph.
coherence
In the intro and conclusion, say what you will show and then sum it up at the end.
content
Add more simple proof or facts tied to each point to back up the idea, but keep it in easy words.
lexical
Use common words only. Make sentences short and clear, and vary sentence length a bit.
task response
Clear view on the issue and sense of direction.
coherence
Good join words help links ideas well.
structure
Easy to follow structure with a clear start and end.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: