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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, there are not enough medical or educational facilities in rural areas. Therefore, some people believe newly graduated teachers and doctors should be sent to work in rural areas for some time. Others think that people should be free to choose where they work after graduation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

An inequality between rural
areas
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 and urban
areas
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 has become a common issue globally in recent years, especially in healthcare and educational
facilities
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. Some
people
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 argue that those who
newly
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have newly
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graduate
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graduated
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 in the fields of education and healthcare should
work
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 in rural
areas
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 for a certain period of time,
while
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 others argue that they should be granted freedom to choose
work
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 location after graduation.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives and
analyze
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analyse
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 the main factors explaining why
people
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 are not particularly interested in working in rural
areas
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, accompanied by relevant examples. On the one hand, those who support newly graduated doctors and teachers working in underdeveloped regions argue that those
areas
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 lack educational institutions and healthcare services. Assigning the medical personnel and educators there can help the village residents
to
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apply
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gain broader access to these services.
However
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, the services in remote
areas
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 remain unequal if only new graduates are assigned there without the guidance of experts. To illustrate, there are many cases in the outermost
areas
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 where the doctors have misdiagnosed their
patient
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patients
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due to
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 a combination of incompetence and lack of
facilities
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.
As a result
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, they do not receive accurate medical treatment, leading to high mortality rates.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 think that doctors and teachers should be able to choose their
work
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 location after graduation. The major factor
of
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for
show examples
 medical personnel and educators not interested in working in rural
areas
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 is the lack of basic
facilities
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. There are numerous instances
that
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where
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 their homes are located miles away from their workplace
and
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, and
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 public transportation is not available.
As a result
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, they must have private vehicles to be able to travel more easily.
This
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 is compounded by the fact that they generally do not receive salaries commensurate with their workload and the conditions in the village.
To sum up
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, I agree that the remote area should have equal
facilities
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with
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to
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 the city.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 should not blame educators and health workers who do not want to
work
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 there if the
facilities
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 do not improve. The government should provide basic
facilities
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 in the disadvantaged
areas
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as well as
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 the metropolitan
areas
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. It can increase the life expectancy and quality of indigenous
people
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.

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Task Response
State your view clearly in the introduction and repeat it in the conclusion so the reader knows your position from the start.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea and use clear links to the next part to help the flow of your essay.
Task Response
Use stronger, more precise examples and explain why they matter to the point you make.
Grammar
Check for long, run‑on sentences and fix awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
Structure
Clear structure with introduction, body, and conclusion
Content
Shows both sides and a clear view
Coherence
Good use of linking phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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