IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, there are not enough medical or educational facilities in rural areas. Therefore, some people believe newly graduated teachers and doctors should be sent to work in rural areas for some time. Others think that people should be free to choose where they work after graduation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

An inequality between rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and urban
areas
Use synonyms
 has become a common issue globally in recent years, especially in healthcare and educational
facilities
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that those who
newly
Verb problem
have newly
show examples
graduate
Replace the word
graduated
show examples
 in the fields of education and healthcare should
work
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 for a certain period of time,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that they should be granted freedom to choose
work
Use synonyms
 location after graduation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives and
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
 the main factors explaining why
people
Use synonyms
 are not particularly interested in working in rural
areas
Use synonyms
, accompanied by relevant examples. On the one hand, those who support newly graduated doctors and teachers working in underdeveloped regions argue that those
areas
Use synonyms
 lack educational institutions and healthcare services. Assigning the medical personnel and educators there can help the village residents
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gain broader access to these services.
However
Linking Words
, the services in remote
areas
Use synonyms
 remain unequal if only new graduates are assigned there without the guidance of experts. To illustrate, there are many cases in the outermost
areas
Use synonyms
 where the doctors have misdiagnosed their
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 a combination of incompetence and lack of
facilities
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they do not receive accurate medical treatment, leading to high mortality rates.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that doctors and teachers should be able to choose their
work
Use synonyms
 location after graduation. The major factor
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 medical personnel and educators not interested in working in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is the lack of basic
facilities
Use synonyms
. There are numerous instances
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 their homes are located miles away from their workplace
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 public transportation is not available.
As a result
Linking Words
, they must have private vehicles to be able to travel more easily.
This
Linking Words
 is compounded by the fact that they generally do not receive salaries commensurate with their workload and the conditions in the village.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I agree that the remote area should have equal
facilities
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the city.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should not blame educators and health workers who do not want to
work
Use synonyms
 there if the
facilities
Use synonyms
 do not improve. The government should provide basic
facilities
Use synonyms
 in the disadvantaged
areas
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 the metropolitan
areas
Use synonyms
. It can increase the life expectancy and quality of indigenous
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
State your view clearly in the introduction and repeat it in the conclusion so the reader knows your position from the start.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea and use clear links to the next part to help the flow of your essay.
Task Response
Use stronger, more precise examples and explain why they matter to the point you make.
Grammar
Check for long, run‑on sentences and fix awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
Structure
Clear structure with introduction, body, and conclusion
Content
Shows both sides and a clear view
Coherence
Good use of linking phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: