IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.
The bar chart illustrates the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad in millions between 1985 and 1995 with a one-year interval.
Also
Linking Words
, the line graph demonstrates Australia's share of Japan's tourist market in the same period
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
. From the bar graph statistics, we can clearly see that there is a steady
increase
Use synonyms
 every year from 1985 to 1990, but
then
Linking Words
 it dropped in the next year , reaching 10,50000 in 1991. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it returned to a steady
increase
Use synonyms
 for the next two years.
Therefore
Linking Words
, between 1993 to 1995 there was a sharp growth in the number of tourists, and the line graph shows a sharp
increase
Use synonyms
 from 1985 to 1988,
then
Linking Words
 it fluctuation to 6 percentage in 1994. In conclusion, the figures fluctuated at certain points, but
Linking Words
overall
Punctuation problem
overall,
show examples
 the trend shows a significant
increase
Use synonyms
. The Japanese tourists who were travelling abroad
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 still growing , unlike the market
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 showed a slight decrease in the end.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 79%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words increase with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: