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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the value in US dollars (in millions of dollars) of investment in funds of four categories from 1988 to 2014.

The graph shows the value in US dollars (in millions of dollars) of investment in funds of four categories from 1988 to 2014.
The line graph presents the amount of money spent on various areas ( property,gold,fine art,company shares) between 1988 to 2014, measured in US dollars. 
Overall
Linking Words
,the figure
demonstrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrates
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different trends between the compared categories, but three of those areas experienced a rise in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
show examples
 begin with, fine art appeared to have a
flaculating
Correct your spelling
fluctuating
 trend
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1988
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it rose sharply to 300 in 2014.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,property shows a
slowed
Replace the word
slow
show examples
gradual
Punctuation problem
, gradual
show examples
 increase that started from 50 to 150. Gold began with a strong start in the first two
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 with nearly 100 in 1988 and 1900 ,but it
then
Linking Words
 dropped to the half in the following year
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
this
Linking Words
 dose not
continued
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
 as it increased
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 almost 450 before dropping again to hit 350
at the end
Linking Words
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
company
Check wording
company's
show examples
 share that had up and down trends from 1988 to
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it spiked from 50 to 300
at the end
Linking Words
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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