IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It was predicted that with the development of technology, people in the 21st century would have much more free time than in the past. To what extent has this prediction come true?

In recent years, the issue of the growth of
technology
Use synonyms
 has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals maintain that
technology
Use synonyms
 brings several benefits to
people
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 more free
time
Use synonyms
, I contend that
technology
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 both advantages and
disadvantages
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of these different viewpoints. On the one hand, it is essential to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 that individuals should acknowledge the significant advantages associated with the benefits of
technology
Use synonyms
. A crucial consideration is that
technology
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 have more free
time
Use synonyms
 for family and children, which highlights that it helps finish household chores quickly.
For example
Linking Words
, washing machines
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 women save
time
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, another important point to
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
show examples
 is
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
 global social connectivity.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
helps
Correct pronoun usage
it helps
show examples
 connect with business partners.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that
technology
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
disadvantages
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. A significant factor to explore is that reduced opportunities
communication
Change preposition
for communication
show examples
 between
people
Use synonyms
, which underscores that
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 would loss of intimacy and limited connection.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is essential to highlight that
technology
Use synonyms
easy
Wrong verb form
can easily
show examples
 create
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
show examples
 fake news.
This
Linking Words
 assertion is supported by the fact that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fake information will cause more panic among
people
Use synonyms
 and is unsafe.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the development of
technology
Use synonyms
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a generation gap because
differents
Use the right word
different
show examples
 generations' levels of
technology
Use synonyms
 use cause disunity. In conclusion, an analysis of the differing perspectives on
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 brings many advantages and
Use synonyms
disadvantages
Punctuation problem
disadvantages,
show examples
highlights
Wrong verb form
highlighting
show examples
 the benefits of
technology
Use synonyms
 brings
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 citizens and
many
Correct article usage
the many
show examples
disadvantages
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the advent of
technology
Use synonyms
 has helped
people
Use synonyms
 reduce a lot of work and have more free
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 examination prompts individuals to thoughtfully consider their preferences and the experiences that influence their enjoyment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Fix big grammar errors. Use 'technology has' not 'technology have'.
organization
Make one idea in each paragraph. Use linking words to join ideas.
development
Give more full points with a clear reason and simple example for each.
relevance
Keep to the topic. Do not add extra ideas not linked to tech and time.
task completion
End with a short, clear conclusion that repeats your view.
lexical resource
Use easy words and avoid hard words beyond common use.
ideas
Clear view with both sides.
structure
Intro and ending present.
examples
Some real example like washing machines.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: