IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Advertising aimed at children should be banned. To what extend do youagree or disagree? to what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own know ledge and experience

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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 think should be ban advertising aimed at children
Verb problem
should be banned becouse
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becouse
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because
 the early generation
need
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needs
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 learning other
topics
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topics,
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 when history,
mats
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maths
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, literature
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
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. And look
advertiding
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advertising
 it is
probable
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probably
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loose
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a lost
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 way but
ir
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it
 is
importan
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important
Linking Words
Correct word choice
that this
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this
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these
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poeple
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people
 know the word and the
differents
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differences
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thouse
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those
 for
you
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your
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 life. For that
reason
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reason,
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 it is important a balance.
Body paragraph 1
On the first
hand
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hand,
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this
Linking Words
 advertising
no
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apply
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it
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apply
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is
good
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not good
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 for
childrens becouse
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children because
 it is probable in the future
will have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a problems as
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an accumulator
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accumulator
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accumulation
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 or
bad
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apply
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mental head for depression.
For
Linking Words
instance
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instance,
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 the society
sale
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sells
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 a
prototipe
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prototype
 from
people
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but
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, but
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 no is
real
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not real
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but
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, but
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 a lot
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people
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of people
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Linking Words
following
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follow
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this
Linking Words
 idea.
Body paragraph 2
On the
seccond
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second
hand
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hand,
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Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 children need
will
Verb problem
apply
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have criterion for
your
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their
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life
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lives
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, in
this
Linking Words
 way
need
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they need
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look
Verb problem
to look
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advertising
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at advertising
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for
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to
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 select better thinking for
yourselve
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themselves
.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 it is the most
importan
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important
 when
yong
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young
people
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watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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advertising
Punctuation problem
advertising,
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 they
are
Verb problem
apply
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have with adults so that they can explain that and
hel
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help
 you in
the
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apply
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all topics.
for
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For
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 that reason
in
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, in
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 my
opinion
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opinion,
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no
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no,
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 it is
necesary
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necessary
ban
Verb problem
to ban
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adertasing
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advertising
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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need
Correct pronoun usage
we need
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 more
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
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 explain.

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task response
State your clear view at once and keep it. Tell if you agree or not with a ban and why in 2 or 3 small ideas.
task response
Give a simple example for each idea and grow the idea in a small space.
coherence cohesion
Use one idea per paragraph. Have a short intro and a short ending.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words like first, next, and also, but, finally to join ideas.
structure
The essay tries to give both sides.
structure
There is a clear end line that sums up the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • aimed at children = made to attract children
  • ban = stop by law
  • influence = affect the way people think or act
  • pressure on parents = a strong feeling that parents must buy something
  • consumer culture = a way of life focused on buying things
  • misleading = giving a false idea
  • brand loyalty = liking one brand from a young age
  • junk food = food that is unhealthy
  • sugary snacks = sweet food with a lot of sugar
  • eating habits = the usual way people eat
  • health problems = illness or bad effects on the body
  • strict control = strong rules
  • complete ban = total stop
  • educational products = things that help children learn
  • media literacy = the skill of understanding media messages
  • vulnerable = easy to harm or influence
  • public health = the health of people in society
  • protect young minds = keep children safe from harmful ideas
  • pester parents = keep asking parents to buy something
  • regulate advertising = control ads by rules
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