IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit the teenagers and the community as well. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

Some people argue that young adults should be required to engage in volunteering in their spare time, as
this
Linking Words
 can
refelct
Correct your spelling
reflect
 positively on the
community
Use synonyms
 and themselves. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because it has several advantages.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain my own perspective. First of all, through
unpaid
Correct article usage
an unpaid
show examples
 job, youth can learn skills that they have never
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 before
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as gardening and fixing cars.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some will argue that their hard
effort
Check wording
work
show examples
 is not paid, I believe that the practical skills will be useful
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
longer
Correct word choice
long
show examples
 term, especially when they
gorw
Correct your spelling
grow
 up and settle in their own houses,
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 previous experiences will enable them to live independently.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, filling their time with productive activities will keep them away from
involving
Wrong verb form
getting involved
show examples
 in reckless behaviours and bad habits
such
Linking Words
 as engaging in fights or
commence
Wrong verb form
commencing
show examples
 smoking.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 Spain, there has been a problem of
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 crime rate among
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation.
However
Linking Words
,
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
courts’
Fix the agreement mistake
court’
show examples
 system worked toward
shiffting
Correct your spelling
shifting
 the
scentences
Correct your spelling
sentences
 from only prisons to a
hybird
Correct your spelling
hybrid
 solution that
involve
Correct subject-verb agreement
involves
show examples
 a brief period in jail,
then
Linking Words
 an intensive period of time
commiting
Correct your spelling
committed
 to a
community
Use synonyms
unpaid
Punctuation problem
, unpaid
show examples
 work.
As a result
Linking Words
, the crime rate has dropped notably
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in fact, teenagers have expressed
improved
Correct article usage
an improved
show examples
 sense of accountability and engagement compared to their isolation before that.
Finally
Linking Words
, even though there is no financial gain from volunteering, the number of young individuals involved in work
represent
Correct subject-verb agreement
represents
show examples
 a form of giving back to the
community
Use synonyms
. Mainly, helping
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
, people with disability
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wheelchair
Fix the agreement mistake
wheelchairs
show examples
, and cleaning sidewalks, all of these are
nobel
Correct your spelling
noble
 jobs that contribute to the economic and social fabric of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the day, helping other people
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. In conclusion, there is an ongoing argument
aroung
Correct your spelling
around
teenagers
Check wording
teenagers'
show examples
 involvement in volunteering. I strongly support their
engagament
Correct your spelling
engagement
 as it
hold
Correct subject-verb agreement
holds
show examples
 several benefits
such
Linking Words
 as learning new skills,
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 a hand to a member in the
community
Use synonyms
, and possible avoidance of getting into harmful acts.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

development
Make one main idea per paragraph and start each with a clear topic sentence.
grammar
Use short, plain sentences and check verb form and spelling to keep read easy.
examples
Give a clear example for each point and say why the example shows the point.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like and, but, also, so to show flow.
closing
End with a short closing that restates your view and main idea.
content
You state your view clearly and keep to the main idea.
content
You try to give ideas on how volunteering can help skills and the area.
content
You use some real life talk and attempt to link to society.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: