IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some People believe that allowing children to make their own choice on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other People believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that allowing young
children
Use synonyms
 to make their own decisions in regards to meals, clothing and entertainment options on a daily basis
,
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apply
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 could produce a community of people who
do
Verb problem
apply
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only care for themselves.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that
,
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apply
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 it is essential for
children
Use synonyms
 to choose things that affect them. I
compeltely
Correct your spelling
completely
 support limiting some
children
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’s freedom as they still need parents’ supervision and
advices
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advice
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives, and
then
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 I will provide my own opinion. First of all, giving a space for a child to practice his freedom
,
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apply
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 might be an uncomfortable idea for parents, as juveniles still have not developed experiences to influence their future actions.
Therefore
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, it is fully understandable if families have not accepted
this
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 idea.
However
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, gaining experiences is a
build up
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build-up
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 process, and can only happen if
children
Use synonyms
 engage in situations that they have full control over.
For example
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, if their son has chosen to eat junk food for a week, the stomachache that he might get
as a result
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 will become an
unforegttable
Correct your spelling
unforgettable
 memory that will direct his food choices in the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, he will learn that a negative action could result in negative
concequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
. On the other side, there are several negative
behavior
Use the right word
behaviours
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 that might seriously harm the child’s health, and parents need to be responsible for.
For instance
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, leaving their son wearing delicate clothing during
winters
Fix the agreement mistake
winter
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 should
reuslt
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result
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 flu.
Although
Linking Words
 giving freedom
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of responsibility and
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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self esteem
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self-esteem
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,
but
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apply
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young people are not old enough to make mature decisions. In conclusion, many individuals argue that leaving it for young individuals
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in a selfish community,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it is their right to choose things that are eventually affecting them.
As for
Change preposition
In
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 my opinion, I think that parents should take control as their
children
Use synonyms
 are not mature enough.

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task response
In task response, state your view clearly and give more strong reasons. add more facts or details from life to back ideas.
coherence and cohesion
In coherence and cohesion, make a clear plan in the intro, keep one idea per paragraph, and use linking words to show how ideas are tied.
content
The writer states a view at the end.
structure
The essay tries to speak about both sides.
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