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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee.
The flow chart illustrates the process of the life cycle of the honey bee
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 takes around 34 to 36
days
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process consists of six main stages, beginning with the eggs
are
Wrong verb form
being
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lay
Replace the word
laid
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from
Change preposition
by
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 females and ending with the young adult maturity. In the initial stage, the female
bees
Use synonyms
 lay out one or two eggs every three
days
Use synonyms
. After 9 or 10
days
Use synonyms
, the eggs are hatched.
Then
Linking Words
, which
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 the baby
bees
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 situation takes about 5
days
Use synonyms
 to enter the next step.
In addition
Linking Words
, when the little
bees
Use synonyms
 grow up, they need to throw a nymph moult. At
this
Linking Words
 point,
nymph
Correct article usage
the nymph
show examples
 moult must take
three
Check wording
place three
show examples
 times in the life cycle of honey
bees
Use synonyms
. What’s more, it has a different
spending
Check wording
apply
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time
in
Verb problem
spent in
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 which every bee is moulted, among 5
days
Use synonyms
, 7
days
Use synonyms
, and 9
days
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the insects turn into young adults. In the final stage, which takes 4
days
Use synonyms
, and it will become
maturity
Replace the word
mature
show examples
.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words days, bees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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