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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people are now spending more and more time on travelling to work or school Some people believe that this is a negative development while others think there are some benefits.

In recent
times
Punctuation problem
times,
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 many
people
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 increasing amount of
time
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 travelling to their workplace or
educational
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for educational
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.
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purposes.
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While
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 some
people
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 think that
this
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 is a negative development,
other
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others
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X
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apply
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argue that there are some advantages. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both
view
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views
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 before giving my opinion. On the one hand, there are several
reason
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reasons
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explain that
Correct word order
that explain
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 why spending long hours commuting can have serious disadvantages.
People
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 should
recognize
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recognise
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 the fact that travelling takes a lot of
time
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, especially during rush hours in the morning or evening when
people
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 go to
work
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 or school, leading
wasted
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to wasted
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time
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 and less productivity.
This
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 means that
people
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 are exposed to noise and air pollution for a long
time
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, which
cause
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causes
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 some serious health problems
such
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 as respiratory problems, increased stress levels and heart diseases.
In addition
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, spending much
time
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 commuting,
people
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’s less
time
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 for family, relaxation and personal hobbies.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some benefits to longer commuting times. One advantage is that travelling by public transport allows
people
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time
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 to get
work
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 done.
For example
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, some university students spend more than an
hours
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hour
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 commuting by bus
everyday
Use the right word
every day
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, and
this
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 is a great
time
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 for them to review lessons or even complete homework.
Likewise
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, many office employees may use
this
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time
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 to catch up on some unfinished
work
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 on their laptops or plan their
work
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 schedule for the day.
Moreover
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, some individuals
chose
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choose
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listen
Verb problem
to listen
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 to music or read
book
Correct article usage
a book
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while
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during
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apply
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sitting on a bus or train. In conclusion, some individuals argue that it has
long
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long-term
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some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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benefits, but I am quite
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in favor
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favor
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favour
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the
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of the
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 idea
saying
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, saying
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 that it is mainly a negative on health, quality of life.

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task
State your view clearly in the intro and restate it in the end.
task
Give one strong idea per paragraph and back it with a simple example.
task
Plan before you write and follow that plan.
cohesion
Use clear link words to show order: first, next, but, also, finally.
cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear topic or idea.
grammar
Check common errors in grammar and spell errors like 'an hours' and fix them.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
cohesion
There is a contrast in ideas with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
content
Some ideas touch on how travel time affects time and health.
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