IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Children spend too much time using their smartphones. Why is this happen? Do you think this is something good for them or not?

In today's world, technology has an impact across the globe. Many people have spent a lot of time online. In my opinion, children should stay away from smartphones because they don't need them. And
also
Linking Words
 they have to enjoy doing things,
such
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 as drawing, playing with toys, and reading books.
Moreover
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, research shows that 70% of children spend too much time on tablets
due to
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 have lack of sleep, poor memory.
On the other hand
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, 20% of young people have full energy, are healthy, and well-being.
However
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, I believe their families play an important role as well. And they have to be more open-minded about the drawbacks of technology.
To conclude
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, I believe the important thing is a balance between using screens and spending time outdoors.
Therefore
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, people around the world should control technology and be more careful about their mental and physical health.

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layout
Plan before you write. Start with a short intro that shows your view. Then give 2 or 3 clear reasons with small facts or examples. End with a short closing.
coherence
Use easy linking words to show order and link ideas, like first, also, but, and finally.
content
Be careful with facts. If you use a stat, make sure you can back it up, or say 'a study says'.
grammar
Try to fix grammar. Some phrases are not right. For example, 'spend a lot of time online' is fine; avoid wrong forms like 'due to have'.
lexical
Choose plain words. Do not add hard terms; use words from the top 100.
idea
An opinion is given on how kids use phones.
structure
There are linking words that show order and contrast.
relevance
The topic is clear and the writer talks about balance.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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