IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports faculties . Others , however say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Over the
last
Linking Words
 ten years, there has been a concern about how to improve public
health
Use synonyms
, especially after the pandemic. People have been divided into two perspectives. One of them is related to increasing the number of sports faculties.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some citizens agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
this
Linking Words
 measure is not enough and propose other strategies more efficient,
such
Linking Words
 as investing money in medical centres, promoting mental care at jobs, schools, and universities, doesn’t matter the age, and supporting outdoor activities during the day.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the idea of increasing the number of sports faculties could motivate and promote
health
Use synonyms
 habits as practising exercise, and establishing a diet. These activities would help to get fit bodies and decrease the amount of diseases associated with obesity and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 cardiovascular issues.
However
Linking Words
, other people claim that
this
Linking Words
 action doesn’t have a big effect on improving public
health
Use synonyms
. They consider it important to pay attention to other human dimensions
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 mental
health
Use synonyms
too
Punctuation problem
, too
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 affirmation comes from recent studies that show that a healthy person implies the development of physical, mental, emotional, and social skills that could positively impact the human lifestyle.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they remark
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 priority of doing outdoor activities that let them connect with nature and with society, experiencing moments that reduce stress and the overwhelming daily routines related to work and household chores.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is really important to invest more money to improve the medical centres to guarantee a better service to the patients and give them better treatment and resources that improve their quality of life. In my opinion, I am one hundred per cent sure that governments should manage laws and measures that promote healthy actions in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human dimensions, not only those associated with physical skills. In
this
Linking Words
 way, I strongly support the second perspective.

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task
Plan your essay. Start with a brief intro that states both views and your own position. Then write one paragraph for each view with a clear link to the next idea, and finish with a short verdict.
coherence
Use clear link words to show how ideas fit together. Keep sentences short and simple. Put a topic sentence in each paragraph to state the main idea.
content
You explain both sides and give a clear personal view at the end.
structure
There is a clear final opinion that sums up your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • physical activity
  • improve
  • public health
  • opportunities
  • regular exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • community involvement
  • social interactions
  • education
  • healthy lifestyles
  • policies
  • healthy eating habits
  • access
  • limited
  • location
  • affordability
  • cultural barriers
  • holistic approach
  • strategies
  • interventions
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