IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that Zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others believe that Zoos are useful in protecting Wild animals. Discuss both points of views and give your opinion.

Recently, many individuals argue that
animals
Use synonyms
 which live in
Use synonyms
Zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 are neglected by
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 management ,
whereas
Linking Words
 some people believe
Zoo
Use synonyms
 is the best place as
animal
Correct article usage
an animal
show examples
’
Punctuation problem
apply
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 sanctuary. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both options and give solutions to
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some Zoos
in particular
Linking Words
 countries are careless of their
animals
Use synonyms
. Management only focused on income and
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 popularity among society.
However
Linking Words
, they treat
animals
Use synonyms
 unpleasantly and carelessly.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
animals
Use synonyms
 live in hunger and
prone
Verb problem
are prone
show examples
 to illness.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 Indonesia, the government of Surabaya City shut down Surabaya
Zoo
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 a major animal
decease
Use the right word
disease
show examples
in
Check wording
outbreak in
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 several weeks. Based on an accidental report, the
animals
Use synonyms
 gained bad treatment by their keeper and will be relocated to
temporary
Correct article usage
a temporary
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 sanctuary in Yogyakarta.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
animals
Use synonyms
 are in danger,
hence
Linking Words
 building artificial habitats
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 required
due to
Linking Words
 future extinctions. In some cases,
Zoo
Use synonyms
 recreates animal habitats better and are able to save rare
animals
Use synonyms
 worldwide.
For Instance
Linking Words
, the extinction of the sealion was reported in 2000, and create an unstable ecosystem. One decade later, London
Zoo
Use synonyms
 succeeded in reviving its habitat and establishing important rules for
animals
Use synonyms
’ safety in Antarctica.
Afterward
Rephrase
Afterwards
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, new sealion groups were released in their natural habitats in 2018, and recreated a new balance for the environment. In my humble opinion, based on both advantages and disadvantages. Zoos are important for the majority of
animals
Use synonyms
, especially with endangered
animals
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, authorities have obligations to build a necessary law to protect and honour
animals
Use synonyms
 because they are important for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and society.

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task
Your essay shows both sides, but you must clearly show your own view in the end and link it to the question. Make a clear opinion sentence in the last paragraph.
coherence
Connect your ideas with linking words (first, then, however, also, for example). This helps the flow.
content
Give more clear reasons and keep facts straight. Avoid wrong facts or untrue dates unless you are sure.
language
Fix grammar and form. Short, simple sentences help you be clear.
content
The essay tries to show both sides of the topic.
vocabulary
Some good use of topic words like sanctuary, habitats, endangered.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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