IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should fund creative people such as artists and musicians due to the benefits they provide to society, other people believe that as they enjoy their work they should have received no government funding. Discuss both sides.

It is argued that creative jobs should not be
founded
Use the right word
funded
show examples
 by the governments,
while
Linking Words
 others realise the importance of funding
such
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 professions.
This
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 topic is quite controversial and needs to be considered from different angles. And I intend to give a brief outline of the main arguments.
To begin
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 with, many people do not consider creative people as hard workers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they tend to believe that it is easy to do
art
Use synonyms
.
However
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, it takes a lot of effort and time to create a piece of
art
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, Pablo Picasso, known as the most valuable figure in cubism, had been creating
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 painting for a couple of months to show a masterpiece to the world.
Additionally
Linking Words
, artists make an enormous
input
Use the right word
impact
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
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 history and culture. Ukrainian writer and artist Taras Shevchenko became a symbol of Ukraine for his patriotism, which he
was translating
Wrong verb form
translated
show examples
 through his works. Children learn his poems and build their own national horizons that are critically important nowadays. Given the fact how much time was spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a single creation, perhaps not surprising that it is a completely volunteer job.
Consequently
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, most of
Use synonyms
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 pioneers face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lack of money for basic needs, which leads to depression,
starving
Replace the word
starvation
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 and even intrusively suicidal thoughts. To take a case in
point
Punctuation problem
point,
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 it is essential for the government to allocate more funds to
art
Use synonyms
 in order to preserve cultural heritage. All things considered, some members of society are not aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the importance of investing in
art
Use synonyms
 and often neglect the contribution of creative pioneers.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 topic should be promoted and highlighted
due to
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
 preservation. If there are few resources for a proper investment, the work of
art
Use synonyms
 may disappear in future.

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structure
Make two views clear. Start with the view you feel is right, then show the other view as a fair check.
content
Give more facts or proof for each side. Keep facts true and easy to see.
cohesion
Link ideas with simple words that show how they go from one to the next.
language
Fix small grammar errors. Use short, plain sentences and check verbs and preps.
structure
Finish with a strong closing line that restates the view and says what is next.
content
The essay uses clear examples to back up points.
structure
There is a plan and intent to discuss both sides.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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