IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, birth rates are falling and experts say that by 2050 these countries will have far more adults aged 65 and over than children under 15. What problems might this cause in the future? Can anything else be done to solve this issue?

It is estimated that, by the year 2050, the number of
new borns
Use the right word
newborns
show examples
 will have declined, and
this
Linking Words
 will
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the population of
elderlies
Check wording
the elderly
show examples
 over the teenagers.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can bring many bad effects to the countries that are dealing with
this
Linking Words
 issue. Here are some of the problems which may happen regarding it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when the younger generation falls behind
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the older ones
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
, it will affect the
work force
Use the right word
workforce
show examples
 significantly. As the people over 65 are mostly
unfunctional
Use the right word
dysfunctional
show examples
, and cannot do much for their homeland.
In addition
Linking Words
, they are more likely to fault at their age.
For example
Linking Words
, if the experts of a firm are not replaced with the fresh ones, the company will suffer from the
harms
Fix the agreement mistake
harm
show examples
 the older
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 have
made
Verb problem
caused
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due to
Linking Words
 the lack of vision or
hear
Replace the word
hearing
show examples
 abilities.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the youngsters are not as wise and experienced as the
olders
Correct your spelling
older
, they
Check wording
people, they
show examples
 can figure things out more interestingly. As they are full of fascinating ideas, and will come up with outstanding theories
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that will come true in no time. To give you an idea, suppose you are testing out two individuals, one over 65, and the other less than 15 years old. If you ask them how to stop the pipe from leaking, the latter is more likely to think of a permanent, creative
soultion
Correct your spelling
solution
 compared to the other. He might say that it should not only be replaced with a new one, but should
be
Rephrase
also be
show examples
 checked for the reason that led to
this
Linking Words
 issue.
As a result
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, some
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
 are seeking refugees and immigrants who are aged less than 35, to fix
this
Linking Words
 problem. Other territories are spreading public awareness about the consequences
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and are motivating their residents to bring new children
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their families.
However
Linking Words
, the government should
also
Linking Words
 build the requirements and facilities to
nuture
Correct your spelling
nurture
 healthier, happier, and more intelligent children who are willing to serve their hometown.

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Task Response
The essay covers the topic and gives some problems and ways to fix. But the plan is not very clear. State a clear main idea or position and then give reasons and examples to back it up.
Coherence and Cohesion
The writing often moves from one idea to another without clear links. Use simple connect words (and, but, so, therefore, also) and keep one idea in each paragraph. A short introduction and a short conclusion help the reader.
Task Response
The writer shows a broad idea of aging and its effects on society.
Coherence
Some attempt at comparing generations and providing examples.
Task Response
There is a sense of topic and some plan to discuss problems and solutions.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographic shifts
  • Dependent population
  • Population pyramid
  • Healthcare provision
  • Pension schemes
  • Labor force
  • Economic sustainability
  • Generational equity
  • Immigration policies
  • Fertility incentives
  • Retirement reforms
  • Life expectancy
  • Workforce participation
  • Social security
  • Aging population
  • Birth rates
  • Technological innovation
  • Automated workforce
What to do next:
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