IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effects does it have on individuals and on society?

To
bigan
Correct your spelling
begin
 with, there are many factors
Correct pronoun usage
that makes
show examples
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
people
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not sleep well as they should. One reason is
Correct word choice
that
show examples
many
people
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of time in their working, and some of them take shifts
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 doctors.
Others
Fix the agreement mistake
Other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
students
Punctuation problem
students,
show examples
 have to study hard for their exams or do
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
; so that
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
hours sleep
Correct word order
sleep hours
show examples
.
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Another
show examples
 reason is
some
Correct word choice
that some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 waste time on
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
, and
wach
Correct your spelling
watch
 short videos;
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 they face problems with sleep.
Secound
Correct your spelling
Second
, there are many effects on
people
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 social life. The person who
sleep
Correct subject-verb agreement
sleeps
show examples
 less than the health hours may face many
chalenges
Correct your spelling
challenges
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as lack of
foucs
Correct your spelling
focus
 and
headchic
Correct your spelling
headaches
, so their
carrer quallity
Correct your spelling
career quality
decline
Correct subject-verb agreement
declines
show examples
 rapidly.
Linking Words
moreover
Fix capitalization
Moreover
show examples
, sleeping less can impact badly on
emotions
Correct article usage
the emotions
show examples
 and reactions of
people
Use synonyms
, so they cannot deal well with others
well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. These
people
Use synonyms
 can not control their behaviours, because they do not get enough rest for their brains.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 sleep less, there are many reasons; some of them are bad
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
useing
Correct your spelling
using
 social media, and others, because
working
Change preposition
of working
show examples
 or studying.
Additionly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
this
Linking Words
 matter has
effect
Correct article usage
an effect
show examples
 on their lifestyles
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as health problems or personalities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as the way of dealing with
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Use a short plan before you write. Start with a sentence that says what you will talk about. Then, in the body, give two or three clear reasons and two or three effects. Finish with a short end that repeats your idea.
language
Write in simple, clear sentences. Check spell and grammar. Use 's' for a simple plural and 'ed' for past if needed.
structure
Keep each paragraph about one main idea. Use a topic sentence at the start of each paragraph.
content
Give a real example to show the idea, for example how a late shift or phone use can stop sleep. This adds weight to your point.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'and', 'but', 'because', 'so', 'also' to help the reader follow.
content
There are some clear ideas on why people sleep less.
structure
A closing line that sums up is used.
content
The essay starts to talk about effects on mood or work.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: