IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is a movement of the people from agricultural areas to go to cities in order to get work, what are the most serious problems in both places. What are the measures of solving these problems?

Nowadays, there is a serious phenomenon that
people
Use synonyms
 from rural areas tend to move to big cities to earn more money. Several social
problems
Use synonyms
 have occurred
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the
problems
Use synonyms
 and the possible solutions as below.
People
Use synonyms
 from rural areas are suffering from the lack of education and hospital resources as more and more
people
Use synonyms
 flood to
metropolis
Correct article usage
the metropolis
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 in these places can hardly have
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 at a standard level simply because there are not enough schools or experienced teachers in the agricultural places. Another issue
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be paid attention to is the mental health of those
children
Use synonyms
. Since adults go to cities to earn a living,
children
Use synonyms
 can only see their parents once or twice a year.
Children
Use synonyms
 find
lonely
Correct pronoun usage
it lonely
show examples
 to live in the mountain area without families of their own.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 in
metropolis
Fix the agreement mistake
metropolises
show examples
also
Linking Words
 endure lots of
problems
Use synonyms
. With so many agricultural
people
Use synonyms
 rushing into the city, city management is more difficult than ever.
For example
Linking Words
, extreme traffic congestion in rush hours is more common than before. Criminal rate may rise
for
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 the reason of increasing population. Meanwhile,
people
Use synonyms
 have found it hard to seek an ideal job because the competition is so fierce.
Thus
Linking Words
, inevitable unemployment becomes another tricky problem that the government should deal with. To solve these tough
problems
Use synonyms
, measures should be taken as soon as possible. Offering more job opportunities to the public is an effective method. Encouraging young
people
Use synonyms
 to go to rural areas to work can be
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 good example. It is
also
Linking Words
 important to build more public facilities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as rental apartments and free highways. In conclusion, the phenomenon of population movement
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 and challenges to cities and rural
fields
Check wording
areas
show examples
. Lots of measures can be taken to solve these issues.

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task response
The essay talks about the two sides and gives some plan. To raise the score, show a clear view and add more real steps to solve the problems.
coherence
Use a clear plan. Put the rural problem first, then the city, then a final view. Use simple words to link ideas, like first, also, but, so.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea. start with a topic sentence and end with a small wrap up.
content
The topic is clear and the essay keeps to the issue.
structure
There is a conclusion and some link words.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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