IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think reading stories in books is better than playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, a significant debate has emerged over whether reading fiction or engaging in video games is more beneficial for
children
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's development. Proponents argue that reading stories plays a crucial role in enhancing creativity and language
skills
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.
While
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 I acknowledge these benefits, I only partly agree with
this
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 viewpoint, as I firmly believe that computer games foster problem-solving
skills
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 and teamwork. On one hand, involvement in gaming fosters problem-solving
skills
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, strategic and logical thinking, teamwork and communication
skills
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.
Furthermore
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, gaming
nehances
Correct your spelling
enhances
 hand and eye coordination and reaction speed.
However
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, recent studies discovered that
children
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 who engage in digital games are more irritable and have less imagination ability than those who explore literature.
For instance
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, I have two nieces with a year gap between each other. The one who has been engaged in a virtual gaming environment has less communication
skills
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 in real life. Enjoying books helped my other niece to develop creativity and a vocabulary range. Important to mention that the child has more sympathy, stress control and a better global perspective. It’s undeniable that exploring books boosts
imagination
Correct article usage
the imagination
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 and creativity of young
children
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 since they tend to
visualize
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visualise
show examples
 scenes
while
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 reading and follow the storyline vividly.
Children
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 are more aware of grammar
skills
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 and improve their language. They
also
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 expand their knowledge and curiosity significantly.
While
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 some might learn by loud articles on social media, the ones who have been involved in fiction and have
strong
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a strong
show examples
 interest, have a tendency to go to depths. Books
also
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 enhance concentration and focus of a hyperactive mind
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 plays a crucial role in the future.

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structure
Plan first: have a short intro, 2 or 3 body parts, and a clear end.
task response
Say your view in the start and keep it in each part.
language
Use only easy words. Check for spelling mistakes and fix wrong words.
coherence
Link ideas with easy connect words. This helps flow.
examples
Give real and clear examples.
conclusion
Finish with a short end that repeats your point.
content
The essay shows a clear view that you partly agree.
content
There are some good examples and a real feel to the topic.
structure
There is a good use of contrast between books and games.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • read
  • book
  • story
  • child
  • children
  • game
  • games
  • computer
  • learn
  • language
  • word
  • time
  • focus
  • attention
  • think
  • grow
  • imagination
  • calm
  • quiet
  • health
  • balance
  • limit
  • parent
  • school
  • teacher
  • choice
  • play
  • fun
  • screen
  • risk
  • good
  • bad
  • rule
  • rules
  • guide
  • idea
  • help
  • improve
  • skill
  • skills
  • team
  • work
  • solve
  • problem
  • discuss
  • plan
What to do next:
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