The government should spend more money on promoting the healthy lifestyle than on treating illnesses. Do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that more
money
Use synonyms
ought to be spent on
subserving
Verb problem
promoting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
than on
healing
Verb problem
treating
show examples
illnesses by the government. I agree with
this
Linking Words
view
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
other
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
should
also
Linking Words
be considered,
nevertheless
Linking Words
. The main reason is that prevention is always better than
cure
Correct article usage
a cure
show examples
. When
people
Use synonyms
follow healthy habits
such
Linking Words
as exercising, eating balanced meals, and avoiding smoking, they are less likely to suffer from chronic diseases.
For instance
Linking Words
, Japan promotes healthy eating and regular activity through public campaigns, and
as a result
Linking Words
, Japan’s
people
Use synonyms
show
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
less
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
rate of illness than other countries.
However
Linking Words
, if it were not for promotion, many
people
Use synonyms
would suffer from simple
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government should spend more
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
believe that spending more
money
Use synonyms
on medical
treatment
Use synonyms
is more practical than promoting a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, modern
medicine
Use synonyms
can save their lives.
For example
Linking Words
, if there were enough instruments in hospitals or
medicine
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
would help cure
people
Use synonyms
easily.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, modern
medicine
Use synonyms
can supply
people
Use synonyms
with
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life.
However
Linking Words
, if it were not for
medicine
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
would
find
Verb problem
have
show examples
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
problems
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
treatment
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, funding
treatment
Use synonyms
can be essential
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
spending more
money
Use synonyms
on
treatment
Use synonyms
might be beneficial, promoting
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
can be
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
effective way.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your view in one clear line in the intro.
organization
Each body para should have one main idea and a clear start sentence.
content
Add more proof or facts to back your points.
grammar
Watch for grammar; fix word use and sentence form.
conclusion
End with a strong, clear statement of your view.
strength
Clear view on the issue.
strength
Some real example is used (Japan).
structure
Intro and conclusion exist.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
Look at other essays: