IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There have been some discussions over whether the best way
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 information about other
countries
Use synonyms
 is
Change preposition
by traveling
show examples
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to those
countries
Use synonyms
 or
using
Change preposition
by using
show examples
 the information we can find on
TV
Use synonyms
 and through online
platforms
Use synonyms
. I personally believe that both ways have their own benefits and
none
Rephrase
neither
show examples
 of them can have priority over the other
one
Use synonyms
. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, some argue that travelling to other
countries
Use synonyms
not only is
Correct word order
is not only
show examples
 a memorable experience but it
also
Linking Words
 allows
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 to efficiently get to know different cultures up close for two reasons. For
one
Use synonyms
, needless to
say
Add a comma
say,
show examples
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 can closely communicate with local
people
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, they can
See
Fix capitalization
see
show examples
 festivals and daily life, taste their local cuisine and even make
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
souvenirs
Change preposition
of souvenirs
show examples
 and build a deeper
connections
Fix the agreement mistake
connection
show examples
,as a whole. For another, it is a great opportunity to learn another language in
real
Correct article usage
a real
show examples
 situation. It is evident that the best way to learn a new language is
exposing
Change preposition
by exposing
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
oneself
show examples
 to
it is
Check wording
its
show examples
 contents. By travelling to other
Use synonyms
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can talk directly to native speakers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 consider
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 as an expensive and
time consuming
Use the right word
time-consuming
show examples
 way to get to know different
countries
Use synonyms
' cultures
due to
Linking Words
 the presence of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
TV
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these days
many
Punctuation problem
, many
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from other
countries
Use synonyms
 can get acquainted with
one
Use synonyms
 another through social media
platforms
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say,
people
Use synonyms
 can easily make friends and talk about their own culture, the potential
that is
Linking Words
 possible for both sides
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 far lower cost in a short time.
Additionally
Linking Words
, using
TV
Use synonyms
 and online
platforms
Use synonyms
 for learning about other
countries
Use synonyms
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 reduce environmental concerns because of transportation. Whether passengers travel by public transportation systems
such
Linking Words
 as air
plan
Use the right word
planes
show examples
, trains, ships and buses or by personal vehicles, these vehicles are largely responsible for carbon dioxide emissions, increasing the greenhouse gas effect.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting acquainted with different
countries
Use synonyms
'
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
travelling
Punctuation problem
, travelling
show examples
 and watching
TV
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 online
platforms
Use synonyms
 are two common ways, both have their own benefits.
While
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
traveling
Punctuation problem
traveling,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 could learn directly from local
people
Use synonyms
, communicate with them and more
importantly
Punctuation problem
importantly,
show examples
 learn their language, using social media
platforms
Use synonyms
 as a cost-effective and time-saving approach.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
You try to compare two ways and give your own view.
coherence
You use 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show contrast.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • interactions
  • virtual means
  • cultural nuances
  • language acquisition
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • sustainability
  • virtual tours
  • documentaries
  • sophisticated
  • realistic representations
  • comprehensive understanding
  • financial status
  • carbon footprint
  • digital resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: