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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There have been some discussions over whether the best way
for getting
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to get
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 information about other
countries
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 is
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by traveling
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traveling
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travelling
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 to those
countries
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 or
using
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by using
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 the information we can find on
TV
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 and through online
platforms
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. I personally believe that both ways have their own benefits and
none
Rephrase
neither
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 of them can have priority over the other
one
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. On the
one
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 hand, some argue that travelling to other
countries
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not only is
Correct word order
is not only
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 a memorable experience but it
also
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 allows
travelers
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travellers
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 to efficiently get to know different cultures up close for two reasons. For
one
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, needless to
say
Add a comma
say,
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travelers
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travellers
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 can closely communicate with local
people
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.
In other words
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, they can
See
Fix capitalization
see
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 festivals and daily life, taste their local cuisine and even make
purchase
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purchases
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souvenirs
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of souvenirs
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 and build a deeper
connections
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connection
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,as a whole. For another, it is a great opportunity to learn another language in
real
Correct article usage
a real
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 situation. It is evident that the best way to learn a new language is
exposing
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by exposing
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themselves
Correct pronoun usage
oneself
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 to
it is
Check wording
its
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 contents. By travelling to other
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countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
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people
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 can talk directly to native speakers.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 consider
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 as an expensive and
time consuming
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time-consuming
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 way to get to know different
countries
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' cultures
due to
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 the presence of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and
TV
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.
Firstly
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, these days
many
Punctuation problem
, many
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people
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 from other
countries
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 can get acquainted with
one
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 another through social media
platforms
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.
That is
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 to say,
people
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 can easily make friends and talk about their own culture, the potential
that is
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 possible for both sides
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 far lower cost in a short time.
Additionally
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, using
TV
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 and online
platforms
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 for learning about other
countries
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 reduce environmental concerns because of transportation. Whether passengers travel by public transportation systems
such
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 as air
plan
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planes
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, trains, ships and buses or by personal vehicles, these vehicles are largely responsible for carbon dioxide emissions, increasing the greenhouse gas effect.
To sum up
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,
although
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for
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apply
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getting acquainted with different
countries
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'
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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travelling
Punctuation problem
, travelling
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 and watching
TV
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 online
platforms
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 are two common ways, both have their own benefits.
While
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by
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apply
show examples
Change the spelling
travelling
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traveling
Punctuation problem
traveling,
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people
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 could learn directly from local
people
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, communicate with them and more
importantly
Punctuation problem
importantly,
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 learn their language, using social media
platforms
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 as a cost-effective and time-saving approach.

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structure
You try to compare two ways and give your own view.
coherence
You use 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show contrast.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • interactions
  • virtual means
  • cultural nuances
  • language acquisition
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • sustainability
  • virtual tours
  • documentaries
  • sophisticated
  • realistic representations
  • comprehensive understanding
  • financial status
  • carbon footprint
  • digital resources
What to do next:
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