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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the data of the participation on cinema
in
Check wording
attendance in
show examples
 the United Kingdom between the
years
Use synonyms
 of 1990 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
show examples
 group of people attend cinema gatherings less than individuals who are over the
Use synonyms
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 of 34.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 half of the 1990s, nearly 15% of
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation between the
ages
Use synonyms
 of 14 and 24 went to the cinema
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
 , between 1995 and 2000,
this
Linking Words
 number decreased to almost 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, from
Punctuation problem
. From
show examples
 2000 to 2005, it steadily increased to 20%, and it slowly rose to 21
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the next 5
years
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, between 1990 and 1995 it slightly climbed to approximately
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30% from about 23%
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
ages
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
24-34 who participated
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 movie
theatre
Fix the agreement mistake
theatres
show examples
. Through the
years
Use synonyms
 till
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
show examples
in
Use the right word
it
show examples
 fluctuated
drammatically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
, but in 2005 and 2010, it became steady. Groups of grown-ups
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
ages
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
34 and 44 joined to watch movies
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 theatre in 1990
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 around 38%. People between
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
aged
Replace the word
ages
show examples
44
Change preposition
of 44
show examples
-54, the percentage
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 to 40% in the 5
years
Use synonyms
, and fell to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
roughly 38% again in 2000.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it escalated sharply to over 50% in the 10
years
Use synonyms
. People aged 34-44, it grew a little in 2000, but significantly dropped to under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
35%, and went up again over the 40 percent in 2005, and soared gradually till 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, ages with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • increase
  • decrease
  • anomaly
  • trend
  • pattern
  • attendance
  • cinema-goers
  • audience
  • peak
  • decline
  • increment
  • fluctuation
  • baseline
  • societal changes
  • technological advancements
  • external factors
  • economic conditions
  • home entertainment
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