IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, it is a widespread problem that many students have serious problems
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
behaviors
Replace the word
behaviour
show examples
. In my opinion, the reason for
this
Linking Words
 problem is attributed to family factors and online hazards, and it is necessary for
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to establish after-school educational systems and strengthen online safety. The main reasons for
this
Linking Words
 issue are the lack of family education and the online
hazard
Fix the agreement mistake
hazards
show examples
. Children who were born in dual-income households lacked
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
company and
supervision
Use synonyms
 from their parents. Before their minds fully mature, they are exposed to the Internet prematurely, making them unable to distinguish the accuracy of online
information
Use synonyms
, which in turn causes them to mimic some negative
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 online.
For example
Linking Words
, some teenagers who
were
Verb problem
experienced
show examples
 inadequate parental companionship imitated violent acts from harmful short videos and even bullied other students in real life. From a deeper perspective, both inadequate parental
supervision
Use synonyms
 and inappropriate online
information
Use synonyms
 stem from issues
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the social educational system. It is essential that the
government
Use synonyms
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
set up more affordable after-care
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 in communities and take measures to block negative
information
Use synonyms
 online.
Firstly
Linking Words
, for dual-income families with little time to supervise their children, the
government
Use synonyms
 ought to establish some after-school services to help them with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
supervision
Use synonyms
 and companionship. Meanwhile, the
government
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 needs to enhance internet security configurations, which fundamentally prevent children from accessing harmful
information
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as violent content, vulgar remarks and false
misleading
Correct word choice
or misleading
show examples
 materials. In conclusion, the negative
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of adolescents are closely related to insufficient parental
supervision
Use synonyms
 in dual-income families and inappropriate online
information
Use synonyms
, both of which trace back to social-level issues. Only by combining community-based after-care services, stricter online security management can we effectively guide teenagers to grow up healthily and solve the root of the problem.

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task response
Be clear in the start. Say your point and what you will talk about; this makes your essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Use simple links like and, but, also, so to show how ideas go together.
content
Add more exact examples for each idea. Your idea about online harm could have a real story or fact.
grammar and vocab
Use short and simple sentence forms. This helps avoid mistakes and keeps the meaning clear.
task response
End with a short conclusion that restates the main idea.
structure
Clear start, middle, and end.
content
The essay uses the idea of family and online risk with a quick example.
coherence
Paragraphs stay on topic and use some good links.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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