IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, more and more serious issues
on
Change preposition
with
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student
Use synonyms
behaviour
Use synonyms
 occur in many countries. From my perspective, both
school
Use synonyms
 and family are responsible for these
problems
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.
Correct article usage
The Followings
show examples
Followings
Replace the word
following
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 my discussion about it and the solutions I provide.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, family is the most important aspect
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
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behaviour
Use synonyms
 for the reason that
children
Use synonyms
 stay with their family members most of the time, and
family
Check wording
apply
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how
to do
Verb problem
the family behaves
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at
Change preposition
in
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 ordinary times will influence their
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
behaviour
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the
parents
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 quarrel frequently and
handling
Wrong verb form
handle
show examples
problems
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 in a temperamental manner, the character of their
children
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 will be so irritable and
emotional
Replace the word
emotionally
show examples
 unsteadily that they are always angry with others. So
parents
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 should set a good example for their
children
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. In a word, family is the most necessary place to shape a person’s character
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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parents
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 should regulate their own words and actions to educate
children
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 in an implicit manner. With regard to
school
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,
school
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 is a place for students to absorb knowledge and learn how to be
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 excellent person and cultivate great habits.
For example
Linking Words
, the teacher does not teach them
keep
Verb problem
to keep
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 in with others and pay attention to public health, which can
provide
Verb problem
have
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 a negative impact
for
Change preposition
on
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 students to form bad
behaviour
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. What’s more, the habits of their classmates will have an essential impact on
student
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behaviour
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
school
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 is a significant source
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these severe
problems
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. How to deal with
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 serious issues on
student
Use synonyms
behaviour
Use synonyms
 is crucial for us.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
parents
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 should
regular
Use the right word
regulate
show examples
 their own actions and words, forming a positive symbol for their
children
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 are supposed to educate students to develop better habits and shape greater
behaviour
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 and spirit through offering courses on social education and
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 norms. In conclusion, as the argument on significant
problems
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 with
student
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behaviour
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become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 more
frequently
Replace the word
frequent
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, it is family and
school
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 that are the two main sources of
this
Linking Words
 problem
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they are responsible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 regular
student
Use synonyms
behaviour
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your answer clearly split into two parts: causes and solutions. Start with a short line that says you will discuss both. Then put one clear point per paragraph.
structure
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph. The first sentence should tell the main idea of that paragraph.
content
Add more detail for each point. Give more than one reason for each cause and more than one solution for each problem.
grammar
Check grammar and word use. Use simple, short sentences. Avoid long, hard phrases.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like and, but, also, so. Use these words to help the essay flow.
content
The essay shows the idea that family and school affect behaviour.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame the essay.
clarity
Some examples are used to explain points, helping the reader understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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