IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the spending by 18-20 years olds in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014. Provide an overview on the information by identifying and describing the key details and include comparisons where appropriate

The chart below shows the spending by 18-20 years olds in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014. Provide an overview on the information by identifying and describing the key details and include comparisons where appropriate
The bar chart provides key information about the
expending
Check wording
expenditure
show examples
 on five various items by adults from 18 to 20 years old, in
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
 nation. The units are measured in millions.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that there are five categories
food
Punctuation problem
: food
show examples
, clothes, books, smartphones and toiletries. Adults preferred the food in both
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 they were less
attractive
Replace the word
attracted
show examples
overall
Linking Words
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reading the books in the same interval.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, disbursing on food showed the largest share among all items,
it reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 above 3500 in 2010,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2014
recorded
Correct pronoun usage
it recorded
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 just below 4500
million
Use synonyms
, in comparison with books, it offered
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 figures, just 1500
million
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during all duration. Clothes presented a little adults
interested
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, it had
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 proportion in both years; it was 2500
million
Use synonyms
,
likewise
Linking Words
 in toiletries. In 2010,
smart phones
Use the right word
smartphones
show examples
 accounted for 2000
million
Use synonyms
, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 jumped to more than 2500 after four years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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