IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting hapiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards hapiness?

Money
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 is considered by many
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 to be one of the most important contributing factors towards
happiness
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.In my opinion ,it is possible for
people
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 to be happy even if they have little
money
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 other
aspect
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aspects
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 of
life
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 can play a more vital role in creating
happiness
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 than wealth alone.
Although
Linking Words
money
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 allows
people
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 to afford luxuries and treats,which
certaintly
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certainly
 do bring temporary enjoyment and satisfaction,a substantial number of
people
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 are happy without
money
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.
Firsly
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Firstly
,
money
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 is no guarantee of
happiness
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 ,particularly if
desease
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disease
 or disaster
feature
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features
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 largely in someone's
life
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.
Secondly
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,as long as
people
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 have the
money
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 to cover their necessities,doing without luxury items does not negatively affect the pleasures that a good
life
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 can bring. Another way
people
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 can gain satisfaction in their
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life
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lives
show examples
 is through their work rather than
money
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.
For instance
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, a doctor doing volunteer service overseas in underdeveloped countries may earn little or no
money
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,but the reward of doing
such
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 work is profoundly rewarding.Not only that
but
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, but
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 it can be a long-term fulfilment that they carry with them through
life
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 in the form of rich memories and the knowledge of a
life
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 well-lived.
Finally
Linking Words
,another influencing factor of contentment in
life
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 is having supportive and loving
people
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 in one's
life
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.
While
Linking Words
money
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 may bring opportunities to enjoy pleasures,few
people
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 would enjoy them in isolation.Being surrounded by a loving and caring family is considered by many
people
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 to be the most valuable thing in
life
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.
This
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 is one aspect of
life
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 that
money
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 certainly cannot buy. In conclusion,
money
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 is not essential for
happiness
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,which can be found through job satisfaction
as well as
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familly
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family
.If more
people
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 strived in
life
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 towards true
happiness
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 rather than
money
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,the world would be a better place.

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task response
The essay has a clear topic and position on happiness and money.
coherence
Develop one idea per paragraph and link to the next idea with simple words.
content
Add more detail to each point with small, specific examples.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling to avoid confusion.
grammar
Use correct punctuation and capitalize the first word of each sentence.
organization
Clear overall structure: intro, body paragraphs, conclusion.
content
State a clear view that money is not the only key to happiness.
content
Good ideas on work and family as sources of happiness.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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