IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the crime rate nowdays is decreasing compared to the past time due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime .Do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that advanced technology contributes to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 the security services.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that it plays a vital role in decreasing the crime rate, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that all countries are
heavy
Replace the word
heavily
show examples
 dependent on digital tools to maintain their safety.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the past there were no surveillance cameras or any
recording video
Correct word order
video recording
show examples
, which
foster
Verb problem
encouraged
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals to commit
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, the modern
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent days
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a pivotal role in
mitigation
Replace the word
mitigating
show examples
 the violations.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 new materials help the investigators to tackle many complex issues.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, offenders
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 many times before
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
 their crimes
due to
Linking Words
 observation systems.
For example
Linking Words
, some research conducted in advanced nations
such
Linking Words
 as the USA and the UK
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
which provide
Verb problem
suggests
show examples
 that these systems have a direct connection in
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
 some illegal complications. Another point to consider is that monitoring regimes require
immense
Correct article usage
an immense
show examples
 budget. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that a poor
unions
Fix the agreement mistake
union
show examples
 cannot afford the technology expenses.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some individuals say that governments should
Verb problem
be interest
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in law education, and allocate initiatives about crime risks to increase the awareness among
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 rather than
oversight
Use the right word
overseeing
show examples
 them.
For instance
Linking Words
,
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
 in
japan
Fix capitalization
Japan
show examples
 about the drawbacks of crime, all people there follow the regulations and respect the rules
due to
Linking Words
 the education of punishments since they were children. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 concept
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the recent devices are very important to stop the crimes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make a clear first line. State if you agree or not in the intro.
structure
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Start with a topic sentence and add one or two notes.
coherence
Use simple links such as also, but, and then to show how ideas go together.
content
Give a clear example for each main idea. Use real places or facts to back it up.
language
Check the grammar and verb form. Use the right verb endings and plain words.
task
You show a clear view that you agree with the idea.
content
You give examples from real places to talk about tech.
structure
The essay has a plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: