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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words.

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words.
The table demonstrates information from
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Nations
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 about the social and economic indicators for four different nations around the world in 1994.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
, in
Japan
Use synonyms
, people gain more money than citizens of
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Peru
Use synonyms
 and
Zaire
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 life expectancy at birth rates are the same
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 order.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, adult literacy rates and daily calorie supplies are higher in countries where people
gain
Verb problem
earn
show examples
 more money. In
Japan
Use synonyms
, it can be seen that,
overall
Linking Words
 income per person is 15760$, which is higher than
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in Canada
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Canada
Punctuation problem
Canada,
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 where a citizen gains 11100$.
Peru
Use synonyms
 and
Zaire
Use synonyms
gains
Correct subject-verb agreement
gain
show examples
 the
less
Replace the word
least
show examples
 amount than both of these countries, and the difference is dramatic, incomes are 160$ and 130$
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
. Life expectancy is higher in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Canada
Use synonyms
 and lower in
Peru
Use synonyms
 and
Zaire
Use synonyms
. Nations where people gain little amount eats small amount of food daily
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, the countries that can afford
consuming
Wrong verb form
to consume
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 higher amounts of calories are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
. Education of adults
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the same in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Canada
Use synonyms
, 99% of citizens can read and write
, , in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
Peru
Use synonyms
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 number is 68%
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
nevertheless
Punctuation problem
nevertheless,
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
Zaire
Punctuation problem
Zaire,
show examples
 only 34% of
humans
Check wording
people
show examples
 have
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to write and read.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, canada, peru, zaire with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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