IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disgree with this opinion?

many
Fix capitalization
Many
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 argue that songs are the solution for gathering wide age groups,
along side
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alongside
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with
Change preposition
apply
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a range of unfamiliar traditions.
All
Correct determiner usage
apply
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though i
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Although I
 agree with the first statement, it is
relavent
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relevant
 to consider the other
possiblity
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possibility
.
As a result
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 of my
investagations
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investigations
,
i
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I
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 see a tight relationship between music and
people
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 being more kind towards different individuals from other nations. As many have experinced, it is always nice to listen to other's national music, which explains why some
people
Use synonyms
 drift into other traditions,
as a result
Linking Words
 being more connected and even more curious about others,
in particular
Linking Words
, to their culture,
for example
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, my cousin was from the south, and i was living in the far north, as we exchanged various melodys used as a celebration for weddings and happy times, as the time passed, i found myself learning more about the south, even more than my relatives. But
on the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 it could be
utilized
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utilised
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 to shame others, or to apply racism
aganist
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against
 them, and maybe
leed
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lead
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 to death,
for instance
Linking Words
, rap, which can be used as a tool to
saperate
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separate
 nations for a very long time, and an old way of rap is poetry, it could harm nations until they dissociate from the face of earth.
To conclude
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,
i
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I
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 confirm that music plays a big role in building a nation's identity, but if the usage of that power isn't the right way, it could
effect
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affect
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 the way
people
Use synonyms
familirize
Correct your spelling
familiarise
 and communicate with other
people
Use synonyms
 because of their
precpectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 of enjoyment.

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task response
You should give a clear view. Start with a short sentence that states how much you agree or disagree. Then rest the answer with reasons and one clear example for each point. Use one idea per paragraph and end with a short conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence cohesion
Use a clear plan for the essay. Make 3 or 4 short paragraphs: 1) view, 2) reason, 3) example or counter idea, 4) small close. Use linking words like but, also, however, for example. Keep sent length easy and break long lines.
strength
The topic is clear and you try to show how music can bring people together.
strength
You give a real life example to show how one can learn about another place.
strength
You show both sides of the issue, not only good but also bad use of music.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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