IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Considering the adverse impacts
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 junk
food
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 ourselves and our community, some suggest
charing
Use the right word
charging
show examples
taxes
Use synonyms
 on consuming
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 or for being fat. Some,
however
Linking Words
, doubt the fairness and necessity of
such
Linking Words
taxes
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses how they encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume healthier alternatives of
food
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 explains how unfairness is caused
due to
Linking Words
intrinsic
Correct article usage
the intrinsic
show examples
 impacts of
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
taxes
Use synonyms
 on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 consumption and
overweight
Verb problem
being overweight
show examples
 motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to eat healthier
food
Use synonyms
. Since eating
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
healthy meals
charge
Verb problem
costs
show examples
 higher prices,
people
Use synonyms
 would consider enjoying their substitutes, meaning healthier
food
Use synonyms
, which
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not charge any extra
taxes
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 encourages citizens to avoid being overweight by managing and healthy diets, which improve the
overall
Linking Words
 public health of the society.
For instance
Linking Words
, several countries under the European Union have implemented a ‘fat tax’, and it was found that the government spending for subsidising medical
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 dropped, thereby
show
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 the high effectiveness of
such
Linking Words
tests
Use synonyms
 in improving the health condition of citizens.
However
Linking Words
, some concern about these charges because intrinsic
factors
Use synonyms
 play
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 integral role in impacting
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
. The
weight
Use synonyms
 of a human being is not solely affected by external
factors
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as eating habits.
Instead
Linking Words
, it can be affected by family members,
such
Linking Words
 that the weights of parents positively correlate with
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 of their children. I have a friend who goes to the gym regularly and
adopt
Correct subject-verb agreement
adopts
show examples
 a healthy diet, with a good amount of intake of fruits and vegetables daily, but he is inevitably chubby because his dad
Verb problem
is overweights
show examples
overweights
Replace the word
overweight
show examples
. Regardless of
extrinstic
Correct your spelling
extrinsic
 human efforts paid in managing
body
Use synonyms
 weights, some simply fail to control
Punctuation problem
, that's
show examples
that's
Use the right word
that is
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 unchangeable
factors
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
hence
Punctuation problem
hence,
show examples
 it is worth considering whether these
tests
Use synonyms
 are always fair for everybody. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 these
tests
Use synonyms
foster
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 citizens to consume healthier
food
Use synonyms
 as substitutes
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the unhealthy ones, a considerable
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 are against that since
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
 is affected by intrinsic
factors
Use synonyms
. Considering both sides of
Correct article usage
the arguments
show examples
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
show examples
, I personally think a tax on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 is necessary since the choice of
food
Use synonyms
 is fully determined by human beings.
However
Linking Words
, considering a ‘fat tax’ is unfair to certain
people
Use synonyms
 in our society, where equity is cherished,
tests
Use synonyms
 on
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
 should not be imposed.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Use simple sentences to fix grammar and make ideas clearer.
coherence
In paragraphs, state one main idea and link ideas with clear connectors like 'but', 'however', 'also', and 'therefore'.
structure
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and restate it in the conclusion.
content
Give full support for each point. Explain why the point matters for the view.
examples
Choose one strong example and explain it, not just name places or facts.
content
The essay shows both sides and gives a personal view.
content
It uses examples to illustrate points.
structure
A clear conclusion with your own view is present.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: