IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many major cities are facing a housing crisis as they cannot provide enough land for new buildings. Some local governments believed the problem could be solved by reassigning Parkland for residential development, because this land would be better used for housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Because of insufficient
land
Use synonyms
 supply, many developed places failed to build enough residential buildings, which
result
Wrong verb form
resulted
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 in
housing
Correct article usage
a housing
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 crisis. Or there is some belief
Correct word choice
that pops
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pops
Correct subject-verb agreement
pop
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 can be demolished, so
land
Use synonyms
 can be spared for building houses
,
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because of the ignorance of
land
Use synonyms
 used efficiency and
resident’s
Check wording
residents’
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 recreational needs. First of all, developing housing projects is an inefficient use of
land
Use synonyms
 property. Since large cities are highly developed,
land
Use synonyms
 is under scarcity, and careful planning is necessary to avoid it
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being wasted.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parkland
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 generally small in size, which is not ideal for building residential flats because not many housing units can be created. Take Hong Kong as an example. Without enough
land
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 suitable for development, parks are usually
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
size
Change preposition
in size
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. If
Use synonyms
park
Use the right word
parkland
show examples
land
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 used to build apartments, residents may have to live in a cramped and uncomfortable environment, which contradicts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the government's plan.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if parks are still rebuilt into housing units, not many people can benefit, which is
in effective
Use the right word
ineffective
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 in solving the housing issue.
Therefore
Linking Words
, developing residential areas on
Use synonyms
park
Use the right word
parkland
show examples
land
Use synonyms
 contributes insignificant aid in alleviating the problem. Another reason is that
this
Linking Words
 proposal does not consider human needs
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
recreational
Replace the word
recreation
show examples
. In urban planning, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 always parts of
land
Use synonyms
 reserved for parks and playgrounds because residents have the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 relaxation in these recreational areas. Replacing these areas with housing units results in more people
cannot
Verb problem
being not
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satisfy
Verb problem
to satisfy
show examples
 their recreational needs. I remember there was a punk next to my apartment when I was young.
However
Linking Words
, the governments demolished it to build and not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
luxury apartments. If I
would like
Verb problem
wanted
show examples
 to jog or relax in a
park
Use synonyms
, I had to commute
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
somewhere else for a certain period of time. Changing
Use synonyms
park
Use the right word
parkland
show examples
land
Use synonyms
 to
residential
Correct article usage
a residential
show examples
 area causes inconvenience to nearby residents in fulfilling entertainment and recreational needs. In conclusion, building houses on
land
Use synonyms
 which originally for
parts
Check wording
other uses
show examples
 is inconsiderate to the efficiency of
land
Use synonyms
 use and
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 needs. Alternative approaches should be taken in relieving the housing problem.

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Task response
State a clear view at the start. Say how much you agree or disagree so the reader knows your main point.
Structure
Make one idea per paragraph. Plan the essay with a simple plan.
Argumentation
Add a short counter view and show why your view is still right.
Language
Use simple words. Check grammar and fix form of words (for example 'park land' not 'parkland' in some places).
Content
Give a real example and explain how it helps your point; keep to facts or numbers if you can.
strength
The author shows a clear stance.
strength
The essay has basic links with words like First of all and In conclusion.
strength
There is a simple structure with intro, body and end.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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