IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Children are now less active in their free time that in the past. Therefore, sports lesson must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many kids are likely to do nothing when they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 that, the
school
Use synonyms
 must have a
sports
Use synonyms
lesson
Use synonyms
 to make them more active.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the agreement about how important
sports
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
in
Verb problem
are in
show examples
 schools.
First,
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
lesson
Use synonyms
 is needed in
school
Use synonyms
 because most of the
time
Use synonyms
, children spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 or playing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
. Right now, they are not interested anymore
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 playing soccer, basketball,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. Which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them
don't
Verb problem
not
show examples
 have any movement activities. Back to
Correct article usage
the 90's
show examples
90's
Correct your spelling
90s
,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 are using their free
time
Use synonyms
 to play
sports
Use synonyms
 with friends.
For example
Linking Words
, I spent my
time
Use synonyms
 after
school
Use synonyms
to play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 soccer with my friends until my mom
calling
Wrong verb form
called
show examples
 me to go home.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the free
time
Use synonyms
 gives
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 to my healthy body.
Second,
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 in
school
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important because
it is teaching
Wrong verb form
they teach
show examples
 us to be more
discipline
Replace the word
disciplined
show examples
 and have a
comitment
Correct your spelling
commitment
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our body and mind.
For example
Linking Words
,
kobe bryant
Fix capitalization
Kobe Bryant
show examples
 has been playing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basketball since 5 y.o, look what happens right now. Having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discipline in playing
sports
Use synonyms
 makes him famous and
become
Verb problem
makes him
show examples
 the most powerful basketball player in the world. In conclusion, I agree that
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 lessons
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools, because
sports
Use synonyms
 can make them healthy and become more
discipline
Replace the word
disciplined
show examples
. Especially for schools
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 want to create a champion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay with a clear intro, two body paragraphs (one main idea in each), and a short conclusion. State your view in the first sentence.
language
Use correct grammar and simple sentences. Check verb forms and plural words to avoid basic errors.
content
Give more general, real-life examples and explain how they support your point.
task response
Address the task directly: state your view clearly and back it up with reasons and a brief counterpoint if needed.
structure
Clear stance on agreement is stated in intro and conclusion.
content
Essay has two main reasons for your view.
coherence
Body paragraphs show a logical order (reason, example).
task response
Conclusion restates position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • physical health
  • childhood obesity
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • compulsory
  • curriculum
  • athletic
  • extracurricular
  • concentration
  • logistical challenges
  • financial challenges
  • preventive health measures
  • well-rounded development
  • mandatory participation
  • physical education
  • lifestyle diseases
  • motivation techniques
What to do next:
Look at other essays: