IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

‏Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 consume a huge amount of products that include
sugar
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in their daily
life
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lives
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 all the doctors have
warn
Wrong verb form
warned
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from
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about
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this
Linking Words
 issue, and say you shouldn'
t
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 eat that much
of
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apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 believe
is
Use the right word
it
show examples
 should be more expensive. I think it should remain as their
orignal
Correct your spelling
original
 price for many reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, for most of us, we tend to but chocolate which contains a lot of
sugar
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, just to enjoy or even to share with the
people
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 we love, because it has sweet and beautiful flavor, altough we all know how much that could impact our health but still we buy it, I remember once that i have seen a documantry, about
people
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 who eat to much, to deal with stress and sandness.
and
Fix capitalization
And
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 sugary food and drinks can help them feel better
bisde
Correct your spelling
despite
 all the
damege
Correct your spelling
damage
 it can bring,
such
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 as
obisty
Correct your spelling
obesity
 and
diabtes
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diabetes
, they still choose to have it and don'
t
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 care about the effect of it. After that, why
we shouldn'
Correct word order
shouldn't we
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t
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 make it more expensive, so
people
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 would avoid it
.
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?
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 By providing or
add
Wrong verb form
adding
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 extra money that won'
t
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 solve the problem
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it will make
wrose becuase
Correct your spelling
worse because
 if you add more money and make
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
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expensive
Punctuation problem
expensive,
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that's
Verb problem
that
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mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 only wealthy families can afford to buy sugary products,
tough
Use the right word
though
show examples
 I believe everyone has
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to enjoy eating
that's
Verb problem
that
show examples
 type of food and
drikns
Correct your spelling
drinks
,
however
Linking Words
consuming
Punctuation problem
, consuming
show examples
 large
quanties
Correct your spelling
quantities
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 can lead to health problems, which we can
aviod
Correct your spelling
avoid
 by increasing the
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of the
people
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 and focusing on the children. In conclusion, make the
sugar
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 more expensive, though it can lead to other problems.

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language
Fix many grammar mistakes and use simple sentence forms more often.
structure
Plan your essay: start with a short intro that states your view, then two to three clear points, then a short conclusion.
content
Give clear reasons with examples. Do not go off topic. Be precise.
content
You show a clear view on the topic.
structure
You use some linking words that help the text flow.
content
There is an attempt to discuss both sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • incentivize
  • reformulate
  • disproportionately
  • unintended consequences
  • dietary options
  • consumption habits
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • nutritional education programs
  • reinvest
  • economic consequences
  • sugary products
  • manufacturers
  • healthier options
  • equitable approach
  • excessive sugar consumption
What to do next:
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