‏Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people
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consume a huge amount of products that include
sugar
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,
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apply
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in their daily
life
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lives
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.
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However
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However,
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all the doctors have
warn
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warned
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from
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about
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this
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issue, and say you shouldn'
t
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eat that much
of
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apply
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sugar
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,
while
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other
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others
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believe
is
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it
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should be more expensive. I think it should remain as their
orignal
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original
price for many reasons.
To begin
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with, for most of us, we tend to but chocolate which contains a lot of
sugar
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, just to enjoy or even to share with the
people
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we love, because it has sweet and beautiful flavor, altough we all know how much that could impact our health but still we buy it, I remember once that i have seen a documantry, about
people
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who eat to much, to deal with stress and sandness.
and
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And
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sugary food and drinks can help them feel better
bisde
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despite
all the
damege
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damage
it can bring,
such
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as
obisty
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obesity
and
diabtes
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diabetes
, they still choose to have it and don'
t
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care about the effect of it. After that, why
we shouldn'
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shouldn't we
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t
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make it more expensive, so
people
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would avoid it
.
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?
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By providing or
add
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adding
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extra money that won'
t
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solve the problem
but
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, but
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it will make
wrose becuase
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worse because
if you add more money and make
more
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it more
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expensive
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expensive,
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that's
Verb problem
that
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mean
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means
show examples
only wealthy families can afford to buy sugary products,
tough
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though
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I believe everyone has
right
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the right
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to enjoy eating
that's
Verb problem
that
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type of food and
drikns
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drinks
,
however
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consuming
Punctuation problem
, consuming
show examples
large
quanties
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quantities
of
sugar
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can lead to health problems, which we can
aviod
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avoid
by increasing the
awarness
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awareness
of the
people
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and focusing on the children. In conclusion, make the
sugar
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more expensive, though it can lead to other problems.

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language
Fix many grammar mistakes and use simple sentence forms more often.
structure
Plan your essay: start with a short intro that states your view, then two to three clear points, then a short conclusion.
content
Give clear reasons with examples. Do not go off topic. Be precise.
content
You show a clear view on the topic.
structure
You use some linking words that help the text flow.
content
There is an attempt to discuss both sides.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • incentivize
  • reformulate
  • disproportionately
  • unintended consequences
  • dietary options
  • consumption habits
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • nutritional education programs
  • reinvest
  • economic consequences
  • sugary products
  • manufacturers
  • healthier options
  • equitable approach
  • excessive sugar consumption
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