IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that international news should be included in the syllabus of secondary school students. Do you agree or disagree?

In the prevailing era, worldwide
news
Use synonyms
 plays a pivotal role in people's lives. It is an argued issue whether foreign
news
Use synonyms
 ought to be incorporated into
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
secondary
school
Use synonyms
 or not. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint since it intends to create a huge burden on learners' shoulders
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 limited
time
Use synonyms
 is left for recreational activities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, various subjects are already studied by students in their secondary
school
Use synonyms
, and adding an international
news
Use synonyms
 lecture can create undue stress. So, it is an arduous task for them to focus on all the topics in a term.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, high
school
Use synonyms
 students have to undertake up to 8 subjects in a class. Having a ninth one can make their lives stressful because it is not
and
Use the right word
an
show examples
 easy task to pay attention to all of them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, having a global
news
Use synonyms
 lesson can deprive learners
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 playing outdoor games. Having
restricted
Correct article usage
a restricted
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 can force them to pay attention to academic subjects
instead
Linking Words
 of playing games with their mates. To illustrate, senior
schools'
Fix the agreement mistake
school'
show examples
 children usually play fewer games
due to
Linking Words
 gaining higher scores in exams. If a subject is introduced, it will not
give
Verb problem
have
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a
Correct article usage
enough
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little
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to go out.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that an international
news
Use synonyms
 subject should not be incorporated as it can force them to live under
pressure
Punctuation problem
pressure,
show examples
coupled with
Linking Words
fewer
Fix the agreement mistake
less
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 will not be left for them to enjoy leisure
time
Use synonyms
.

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task
Add a clear plan in the intro: state your view and outline the two main ideas you will discuss.
task
Develop each idea more. Give more detail and connect it to the prompt.
coherence
Use simple, steady linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
coherence
Make your examples fit the point more tightly and explain why they support your view.
grammar
Check small grammar and word use to make sentences clear.
strength
Clear position against the idea.
strength
Reasoned idea lines and a simple paragraph plan (intro-body-conclusion).
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global perspective
  • current affairs
  • critical thinking skills
  • cultural awareness
  • empathy
  • language skills
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