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Band 6

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

#people #job #income #security #money #factor #factors
It is believed that income should be the primary cause of pursuing a
career
. The writer of
this
 essay agrees that
money
 is essential when pursuing a
career
 because of
providing
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 a sustainable life for family members, with passion and working conditions contributing to other reasons why
people
 select a
job
. The primary motivation for working is
money
 which provides families with stability.
In other words
, they can afford living expenses on the salary received from their profession.
Due to
 the increase in living costs, families are finding it harder to meet their needs.
As a result
,
money
 has become the prime factor when choosing an occupation.
Job
 satisfaction is another critical factor when
people
 decide on their
job
. With passion,
people
 would have more motivation to devote more time and effort to their work.
Therefore
, it would increase their work productivity,
as well as
 efficiency.
Additionally
, with great enthusiasm for work, they will need more time to give it up because of losing interest. The working environment is
also
 a crucial point in searching for a
career
.
This
 can be attributed to health and mentality, which are affected by the workplace environment. In
this
 situation,
people
 consider the
job
's working conditions to ensure their safety and health.
For
this
 reason, working standards are closely related to
job
 choice.
Thus
,
money
 is the most important reason for choosing a
career
. It should
also
 have been demonstrated that passion and working conditions contribute to the selection of jobs.
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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, focus on providing clear, well-developed explanations and a wider range of examples that directly support your points about the importance of money, passion, and working conditions. Integrating relevant, detailed examples enhances your argument's persuasiveness and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by effectively organizing your ideas. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea with examples or further explanation. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smooth, helping the reader understand the connection between your points.
General Advice
For improvement overall, pay attention to varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more dynamically. Engage the reader with more sophisticated language while ensuring clarity. Additionally, proofread your essay to catch and correct any grammatical errors or awkward phrases.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • job satisfaction
  • fulfillment
  • mental health
  • aligns with
  • productive career
  • career progression
  • growth potential
  • work-life balance
  • flexible hours
  • telecommuting
  • vacation time
  • professional responsibilities
  • working environment
  • corporate culture
  • toxic environment
  • stress and burnout
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