Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

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It is believed that income should be the primary cause of pursuing a

career

Use synonyms

. The writer of

this

Linking Words

essay agrees that

money

Use synonyms

is essential when pursuing a

career

Use synonyms

because of

providing

Wrong verb form

provides

show examples

a sustainable life for family members, with passion and working conditions contributing to other reasons why

people

Use synonyms

select a

job

Use synonyms

. The primary motivation for working is

money

Use synonyms

which provides families with stability.

In other words

Linking Words

, they can afford living expenses on the salary received from their profession.

Due to

Linking Words

the increase in living costs, families are finding it harder to meet their needs.

As a result

Linking Words

money

Use synonyms

has become the prime factor when choosing an occupation.

Job

Use synonyms

satisfaction is another critical factor when

people

Use synonyms

decide on their

job

Use synonyms

. With passion,

people

Use synonyms

would have more motivation to devote more time and effort to their work.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it would increase their work productivity,

as well as

Linking Words

efficiency.

Additionally

Linking Words

, with great enthusiasm for work, they will need more time to give it up because of losing interest. The working environment is

also

Linking Words

a crucial point in searching for a

career

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

can be attributed to health and mentality, which are affected by the workplace environment. In

this

Linking Words

situation,

people

Use synonyms

consider the

job

Use synonyms

's working conditions to ensure their safety and health.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, working standards are closely related to

job

Use synonyms

choice.

Thus

Linking Words

money

Use synonyms

is the most important reason for choosing a

career

Use synonyms

. It should

also

Linking Words

have been demonstrated that passion and working conditions contribute to the selection of jobs.

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Task Achievement

To improve task achievement, focus on providing clear, well-developed explanations and a wider range of examples that directly support your points about the importance of money, passion, and working conditions. Integrating relevant, detailed examples enhances your argument's persuasiveness and clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance coherence and cohesion by effectively organizing your ideas. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea with examples or further explanation. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smooth, helping the reader understand the connection between your points.

General Advice

For improvement overall, pay attention to varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more dynamically. Engage the reader with more sophisticated language while ensuring clarity. Additionally, proofread your essay to catch and correct any grammatical errors or awkward phrases.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

247 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
job satisfaction
fulfillment
mental health
aligns with
productive career
career progression
growth potential
work-life balance
flexible hours
telecommuting
vacation time
professional responsibilities
working environment
corporate culture
toxic environment
stress and burnout

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Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

45.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?