Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

#people #job #income #security #money #factor #factors

It is believed that income should be the primary cause of pursuing a

career

. The writer of

this

essay agrees that

money

is essential when pursuing a

career

because of

providing

Wrong verb form

provides

show examples

a sustainable life for family members, with passion and working conditions contributing to other reasons why

people

select a

job

. The primary motivation for working is

money

which provides families with stability.

In other words

, they can afford living expenses on the salary received from their profession.

Due to

the increase in living costs, families are finding it harder to meet their needs.

As a result

money

has become the prime factor when choosing an occupation.

Job

satisfaction is another critical factor when

people

decide on their

job

. With passion,

people

would have more motivation to devote more time and effort to their work.

Therefore

, it would increase their work productivity,

as well as

efficiency.

Additionally

, with great enthusiasm for work, they will need more time to give it up because of losing interest. The working environment is

also

a crucial point in searching for a

career

This

can be attributed to health and mentality, which are affected by the workplace environment. In

this

situation,

people

consider the

job

's working conditions to ensure their safety and health.

For

this

reason, working standards are closely related to

job

choice.

Thus

money

is the most important reason for choosing a

career

. It should

also

have been demonstrated that passion and working conditions contribute to the selection of jobs.

Submitted by 11E4 Community on Sun Mar 17 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve task achievement, focus on providing clear, well-developed explanations and a wider range of examples that directly support your points about the importance of money, passion, and working conditions. Integrating relevant, detailed examples enhances your argument's persuasiveness and clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance coherence and cohesion by effectively organizing your ideas. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea with examples or further explanation. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smooth, helping the reader understand the connection between your points.

General Advice

For improvement overall, pay attention to varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more dynamically. Engage the reader with more sophisticated language while ensuring clarity. Additionally, proofread your essay to catch and correct any grammatical errors or awkward phrases.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

247 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
job satisfaction
fulfillment
mental health
aligns with
productive career
career progression
growth potential
work-life balance
flexible hours
telecommuting
vacation time
professional responsibilities
working environment
corporate culture
toxic environment
stress and burnout

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Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, the differences in ages between parents and children are greater than in the past. Do you think the advantages of the development outweigh the disadvantages?

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent (widespread) and eventually replace traditional foods and methods of preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.