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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. (AI Response)

These days, there are several factors which can help
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
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improve their private and
careers’
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careers
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 lives. It is said that taking
risks
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 is one of the essential ones. What I believe is that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of taking
risks
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 are more than the drawbacks, and I am going to elaborate on
this
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 in the following. There have been various reasons to take
risks
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.
This
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 situation provides opportunities for
people
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 to become familiar with vulnerable and different perspectives
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 help them to enter a new world.
As a result
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, they
completely will be
Correct word order
will be completely
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 exited from their comfort zone and they can test new experiences.
Similarly
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, they will become more confident because they know they are responsible for the consequences of their decisions.
Therefore
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, they make
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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their
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 to become successful. Another factor which shouldn’t be underestimated is that taking
risks
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 helps
people
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 to think better because they have a lot of information
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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tom
Use the right word
to
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 their past.
For example
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, when a dentist chooses to set up a clinic
instead
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 of
dental
Correct article usage
a dental
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 office. She tries so hard
consider
Verb problem
to consider
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 all expenses
profit
Change preposition
as profit
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, and the negative point.
Consequently
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, she
achieve
Correct subject-verb agreement
achieves
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 her goals more conveniently.
Likewise
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, when
people
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 tend to have
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
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 house
instead
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 of
smaller
Correct article usage
a smaller
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 one, they must think about their budget to avoid borrowing money, and
make
Verb problem
cause
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 for other
people
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.
As a result
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, they rely on their ability to provide the best situation for themselves. In conclusion,
although
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,
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apply
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 sometimes
people
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 might be
concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 about
results
Correct article usage
the results
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 of their decisions, they often
make
Verb problem
create
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 a
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfying
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 situation for themselves to show their ability to others.

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strategy
Start with a clear view in one line and keep to this view in the rest of the essay.
structure
Make one main idea in each paragraph and add a small, easy example.
language
Use easy grammar and fix common errors like tense and plural forms.
coherence
Use link words to move ideas, such as first, then, and also, but, finally.
examples
Choose real and simple examples from life that show your point.
content
You show a clear view that risks can be good.
structure
The idea is easy to follow in parts and the plan is there.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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