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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the favorite sport of people from the US between 1985 and 2015

The graph below shows the favorite sport of people from the US between 1985 and 2015
The line chart illustrates the number of people in the USA and the four
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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Use synonyms
basketball
Punctuation problem
, basketball
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, tennis, badminton and rugby
between
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
 1985 and 2005. Generally, the
basketball
Use synonyms
 showed the highest number of players from the other three games at the
begning
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the period
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the badminton was the lowest.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period the tennis
apwas
Correct your spelling
was
 the
highes
Correct your spelling
highest
 sport in comparison to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basketball
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 rugby stayed stable.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
basketball
Use synonyms
 showed the highest
particpants
Correct your spelling
participants
 number in
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1985 was 240.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 the trend went down
gradwally
Correct your spelling
gradually
 to 200 at
year
Use synonyms
 of
1995
Punctuation problem
1995,
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 when
dropped
Correct pronoun usage
it dropped
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 sharply at
year
Use synonyms
 of 2005 to 50 people.
In contrast
Linking Words
 , the tennis players were 150 at
year
Use synonyms
 of 1985 When the figure increased gradually and reached approximately
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
220 at
year
Use synonyms
 of 2005.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
badmintoen
Correct your spelling
badminton
 was the lowest
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 started
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 51 badminton
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1985. The figure
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 stable throughout the whole period with
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 drop to 49
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1990.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the rugby
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1985 started with 55 players and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 steady with some fluctuations
54
Punctuation problem
, 54
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 and 56
Punctuation problem
, at
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the yesrs
show examples
yesrs
Correct your spelling
years
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1990 and 200
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words basketball, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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