IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

This graph shows the proportion of four different materials that were recycled from 1982 to 2010 in a particular country

This graph shows the proportion of four different materials that were recycled from 1982 to 2010 in a particular country
The graph illustrates the percentage of selected materials (Paper & cardboard,
Glass
Use synonyms
containers
Use synonyms
, Aluminium
cans
Use synonyms
 and
plastics
Use synonyms
) that were recycled between 1982 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, Paper and cardboard were the most recycled material in the given period.
Glass
Use synonyms
containers
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the second most popular material.
Aluminum
Change the spelling
Aluminium
show examples
cans
Use synonyms
 were introduced in
1986
Punctuation problem
1986,
show examples
 followed by
Plastics
Use synonyms
 in 1990
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
However
Linking Words
,
Aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
cans
Use synonyms
 had increased in amount to more than 40%
while
Linking Words
Plastics
Use synonyms
 had only increased by around 10%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period measured. Paper and cardboard
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the most popular
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
 which was recycled. It started at around 65% in 1982, peaked in 1994
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 its highest peak
80
Change preposition
of 80
show examples
%, and started declination until it reached 70% in 2010.
Glass
Use synonyms
containers
Use synonyms
 were the second trendiest material to be recycled
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 since its lowest point in
1990
Add a comma
1990,
show examples
 it was a gradual revival and slowly climbed to as high as 60%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
Aluminum
Change the spelling
Aluminium
show examples
cans
Use synonyms
 were slowly introduced to recycling from
1986
Punctuation problem
1986,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 slowly increased
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 popularity until
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 had
been
Verb problem
become
show examples
 almost as popular as
Glass
Use synonyms
containers
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Plastics
Use synonyms
 were almost not recycled, since they started in 1990 at almost zero and kept a
low
Punctuation problem
low,
show examples
 steady line until
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 to just below 10.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words glass, containers, cans, plastics with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • recycled
  • materials
  • percentage
  • paper and cardboard
  • glass
  • plastic
  • metal
  • stable
  • noticeable
  • rise
  • significant increase
  • accounting for
  • consistent
  • ste steadily
  • dramatically
  • nearly
  • worth noting
  • relatively low
What to do next:
Look at other essays: