IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve the situation?

Our Z
generations
Use synonyms
 have to leave the small
city
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 and the old
people
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 to move to the big
city
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. The
problem
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 that happened because of
this
Linking Words
 issue is, the
city
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 is not moving forward economically. The solution is that the government should support the younger
people
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's
ideas
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. The
problem
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 when rising
generations
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 are leaving the countryside is
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
city
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not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 moving forward economically. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
governments
Use synonyms
 are not listening to the youth's
ideas
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the younger
people
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 want to export the sources from the
city
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 to get more profit, the
governments
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 are not giving permission to export, and the way to
have
Verb problem
get
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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permission is
giving
Change preposition
by giving
show examples
 them what they want, like money. So, the main
problem
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 is the
governments
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, they really are not taking care seriously about the future
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 younger
people
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. The solution to prevent young
people
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leaving
Change preposition
from leaving
show examples
 the small
city
Use synonyms
 is to make sure the rising
generations
Use synonyms
 get support from the
Use synonyms
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 listening and supporting the younger
people
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’s
ideas
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.
For example
Linking Words
, they can build a community for the younger
people
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, so the
governments
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 can be their supporting systems and can understand what they want to help the
city
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 grow. There are so many
ideas
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 from the rising
generations
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 to grow the economy in the small
city
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, but the solution is to make sure the
governments
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 are supporting the
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
show examples
. In conclusion, the
problem
Use synonyms
 is that when the youths
are leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their
countryside
Punctuation problem
countryside,
show examples
 the economy will not move forward.
However
Linking Words
, the
governments
Use synonyms
 must be a supporting system for the youths to help their
ideas
Use synonyms
 to prevent that.

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task
Plan your answer. Start with a short view of the problem and then give a few clear ideas for the solution. End with a short wrap up.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go together. Words like and, but, so, also, then help the reader.
cohesion
Keep one idea in each sentence and be simple. Do not put many ideas in one sentence.
task
Give a small example or fact to show your point. This makes your point strong.
language
Check your grammar and spell very carefully so the meaning is clear.
task
The essay tries to show both old and new parts of a city issue.
cohesion
There is use of ideas about the role of government and the need for youth groups, which gives scope.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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