IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe it is better for governments to spend any available money for sports on providing facilities for the general population. Others believe that instead, they should invest in training top athletes to win major competitions. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

Investments made
on
Use the right word
in sports-related
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
- related
facilties
Correct your spelling
facilities
 are often a topic of debate among the general public.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
money
Use synonyms
 should be directed towards the betterment of
Use synonyms
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
 performance of athletes, others are of the view that it should be invested in developing more
sports
Use synonyms
 centres or recreational hubs for general citizens. In my opinion , it should be funded for the development of
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities for
public
Correct article usage
the public
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.
Money
Use synonyms
 spent on building
sports
Use synonyms
 infrastructure would improve
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 of individuals. Over the past few decades, obesity and other
lifestyle related
Use the right word
lifestyle-related
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 conditions have increased at a greater rate. Construction of
sports
Use synonyms
 amenities that are
acessible
Correct your spelling
accessible
 from
people
Use synonyms
's
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 would encourage them to exercise more and make better lifestyle choices, improving
overall
Linking Words
 well-being.
Additionally
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, availability of
such
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilties
Correct your spelling
facilities
 would help build relations and connections.
Generally
Add a comma
Generally,
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people
Use synonyms
 belonging to
lower- middle income
Use the right word
lower-middle-income
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families avoid going to
sports
Use synonyms
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
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 or
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
 as they charge
heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
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 membership fee. Meanwhile , building
such
Linking Words
government -funded
Use the right word
government-funded
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 facilities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are usually cheaper or have subsidised entry
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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fee
Punctuation problem
fee,
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 would bring
people
Use synonyms
 from different income backgrounds together, and indulge in various
sports
Use synonyms
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
. As
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Add a comma
result,
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people
Use synonyms
 will build
strongs
Correct your spelling
strong
 friendships with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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while
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 playing various
sports
Use synonyms
fostering
Punctuation problem
, fostering
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 a sense of unity in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on training elite
atheletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
.
Linking Words
Firstly
Punctuation problem
Firstly,
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 training sportsmen would increase
popularity
Correct article usage
the popularity
show examples
 of a
nation
Use synonyms
. Investing
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 training them would improve their
sports
Use synonyms
perfromance
Correct your spelling
performance
, thereby improving the chances of winning games.
Consequently
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 , if
more
Correct word choice
a greater
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 number of trophies and medals are bagged by a country , it will be
renowened
Correct your spelling
renowned
 amongst
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
Use synonyms
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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this
Linking Words
 increased fame would
also
Linking Words
 bring attention to other sectors
creating
Punctuation problem
, creating
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opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for development.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 if a country becomes
Correct article usage
the
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top scorer in badminton, more
people
Use synonyms
 will be interested in visiting the
nation
Use synonyms
 and knowing more about its culture ,which will
boon
Use the right word
boost
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 the tourism sector of that
nation
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
 , improvement in one sector would attract chances for advancements in other fields. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 investments made
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 training
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
 would enhance the reputation of a
nation
Use synonyms
 and improve prospects in various domains . The benefits of improved well-being and development of stronger
coummity
Correct your spelling
community
 are far more
avdantageous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 for the country in the long-term
Linking Words
according
Punctuation problem
, according
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 to my opinion.

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task response
Your essay shows both sides and your view, but add more clear reasons and real examples to back up your view.
coherence
The write up has intro, body, and end. Some ideas are long and hard to follow. Use one main idea in each paragraph and end with a clear link to the next idea.
language issues
Work on the spell and the short words. Fixed spell and small errors will help flow. Use simple words and short lines.
content
Clear goal to discuss both sides and say your own view.
structure
There is an attempt to show how money can be used in different ways.
content
The essay follows a plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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